Starship Iris 3.08 Rejoice

THEME

3.08.01 RADIO DOCUMENTARY.

SANA

So, is that everything you need from me?

JUNIPER

Just one or two more questions, if you don’t mind, and then you can get back to all the many things waiting for you.

SANA

Sure.

JUNIPER

If the Rooks win, if we find a way out from under the Regime, what’s next for you?

SANA

Sleep. I want one of those naps where you wake up and it’s dark out and you’re not even sure what year it is.

JUNIPER

You’ve earned it. And once you’re out of bed?

SANA

It’s like my friend Doc, uh Doctor Robinson, says. At the end of this, we’re gonna need so many menders. And not even just fixing the damage from the war itself. We’re gonna need to finally address all the deeper cracks, all the fault lines that let a military coup take power in the first place.

JUNIPER

Sure, that’s what the situation needs. But what about you?

SANA

I want to help.

JUNIPER

Of course, but what do you want for yourself? What would a happily ever after look like for Sana Tripathi?

SANA

Uh. Can I get back to you about that?

3.08.02 RADIO. ARKADY LOG.

ARKADY

Captain’s log. Uh, acting captain’s log. Soon-to-be-ex-captain’s log. It’s been about 18 hours since we got her back.

We’ve combed through the ship three times, and we’re confident we’ve finally found and disabled every hidden listening device on here. Took a good goddamn while. Currently flying our stolen warship back to San Ramos, where Sana can scrap it for parts. Ground forces there have promised to radio check in before they shoot us out of the sky on sight.

Still no word from Thasia or anyone else in the know. We still don’t know if the mission succeeded, if we took down the Regime’s drones long enough for the attack on the weapons factories to go through, if our forces made it out okay. The possibility of success and the possibility of failure hang in every room of this borrowed ship like smoke, making the air thicker, tenser, harder to breathe.

We’ve had a long trip. But: she’s here. She’s here, and she’s alive, and I think that’s as good a point as any to leave on. Let’s call this my final entry. Temporary Captain Arkady Patel, signing out.

3.08.03 INT. REGIME SHIP. ARKADY & VIOLET’S ROOM.

FX: DOOR OPENS.

VIOLET

Hey.

ARKADY

Hey, you.

VIOLET

Fresh icepack for your wound.

ARKADY

Thanks, Liu.

FX: ARKADY TAKES AN ICEPACK FROM VIOLET.

ARKADY

Guessing we haven’t been able to get in touch with anyone?

VIOLET

Yeah. McCabe and Brian are searching every source they can dig up. Nothing. But: we still haven’t found anything on the scanners that looks like a drone, so maybe we were able to take them out.

ARKADY

That doesn’t mean our people were able to get in there in time.

VIOLET

I know.

FX: VIOLET SITS ON THE BED NEXT TO ARKADY.

VIOLET

So, the good news is I found where the Regime agents were keeping the med supplies.

ARKADY

And the bad news?

VIOLET

It’s a little thing.

ARKADY

The bad news?

VIOLET

It’s all covered in Regime branding. “Care courtesy of the Intergalatic Republic of Free Worlds,” stamped all over the bandages, stuff like that. So when we need to change your dressing—

ARKADY

Okay, there’s gotta be some way we can make that look sarcastic.

VIOLET

If we can do it while keeping everything sterile... Little quote marks around free? And cross out “care” because the wound’s what they gave you? Krejjh must have a marker somewhere.

ARKADY

I love you.

VIOLET

For that?

ARKADY

For so many things.

VIOLET

Love you too. Can I get a look at that shoulder? Been a while since I had to wrap a gunshot wound.

ARKADY

I’m afraid that’s about to become a feature of your life. When you stay on, I mean.

VIOLET

Thanks for not saying “if.” Although, I feel like we already had a talk months ago about you getting shot less?

ARKADY

You got shot too!

VIOLET

I was shot at. Doesn’t count if the bullet doesn’t touch blood.

ARKADY

Awfully convenient.

VIOLET

Hey. Can I–?

ARKADY

What’s up? (A BEAT) Violet?

VIOLET

I found something else, when I was looking for gauze and everything?

ARKADY

Yeah?

VIOLET

Um. Here.

FX: TINY RUSTLE OF PAPER.

ARKADY

“I owe you one mani-pedi.” Whose writing is this? Oh. Damn. It was here before.

VIOLET

It’s weird, right? Walking around this ship. I know they were trying to kill us, but I have all this training on how to save people’s lives, and at the end of the day…

ARKADY

Yeah.

VIOLET

If my life had gone differently, I could’ve been one of them.

ARKADY

You turned pretty much the first chance you got.

VIOLET

Maybe they never had the chance. Or maybe they really believed, maybe they would’ve still been on the wrong side if they lived another hundred years, but they had families, and favorite foods, and one of them brought a cat with them, and one of them owed another one a pedicure. I’m glad we made it, and obviously I wouldn’t trade getting Tripathi back, but I don’t know how to square what we did. What I did. And I know that makes me—weak, but—

ARKADY

Bullshit, feel how you feel. What matters is what you do about it, nothing else.

VIOLET

But—

ARKADY

I hear you. Everything in you wants to lean away from the pain, right? You want to say, “Well, they were monsters.” You kind of know that’s what they’re saying about us. Chuck Weathers and those assholes.

VIOLET

Yeah.

ARKADY

And it’s not the same, them wanting us dead because of who we are, and us wanting them dead because they’re killing us. That piece was never fair. But I think calling them monsters isn’t fair to monsters. They were people, with the potential for good or bad, and they used it to do monstrous things. And it’s important to remember we all have that capacity, so that we don’t.

But we had to stop them; they didn’t give us better options. Survival, you know? If we’re lucky, what we did on Klaysnay might let our friends live a little longer. And that’s about the best you can hope for in a war.

VIOLET

Thanks.

ARKADY

Why, did that actually help?

VIOLET

A little.

ARKADY

No shit.

VIOLET

Can you— can you sit here with me for a sec?

ARKADY

Of course.

VIOLET

What if the mission failed? What if our people got hit before they could do anything to the factories? Even with the drones down, the Regime still could’ve shot ‘em.

ARKADY

Yeah. Guess we cross that bridge when we come to it.

VIOLET

Is that what you’re doing?

ARKADY

What?

VIOLET

Waiting to cross until—

ARKADY

No, I’ve already been over the bridge in my mind a thousand times. It just doesn’t help.

VIOLET

Maybe in an hour or two we’ll hear—

ARKADY

Yeah. Maybe.

3.08.04 INT. REGIME SHIP. SANA’S ROOM.

TRANSITION

FX: RUSTLE OF BLANKETS.

SANA

(YAWNS)

FX: CAT MEOWS

SANA

Um.

FX: CAT MEOWS

SANA

I’m very sorry, but I’m allergic to you and I don’t have any food.

FX: CAT MEOWS, MORE INSISTENTLY.

SANA

Look. Look at my empty hands. I don’t sleep holding snacks.

FX: A KNOCK FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR.

BRIAN (THROUGH DOOR)

Captain Tripathi? How goes it?

SANA

Brian. How long have I been out?

BRIAN

Twenty hours, give or take.

SANA

Any news?

BRIAN

Nothing from Thasia. Nothing from our camp.

SANA

Oh. Campbell says “hi again.”

BRIAN

Hi Campbell. Hey, sorry to bother you about this, but. Have you seen the cat?

SANA

Think so, yeah.

PARK

Come in.

FX: DOORS OPEN.

BRIAN

Uh, hey…Park? So…hanging out in Tripathi’s room while she sleeps?

PARK

Evidently.

BRIAN

Cool, cool. Captain, how’re you feeling?

SANA

It’s amazing what almost 20 hours of pure sleep can do for a person.

FX: CAT MEOWS.

BRIAN

Right on, man, good to hear. I’ll just—take—

FX: CAT MEOWS.

BRIAN

—this girl from you. Arkady was worried she might’ve gotten into the engine.

SANA

It’s a she?

BRIAN

So it seems. We’re still working on the name. Arkady wants to go with Leonore, Violet’s saying Carson, McCabe wants Daisy, and me and Krejjh both think we should name her Duchess Calpurnia Higginsworth Cobb the Second.

SANA

(DRYLY) Arkady’ll love that.

BRIAN

Oh, dude, she already vetoed, but we only need one more vote to override her. So if either of you want to—

SANA

Lakshmi.

PARK

Jennipurr.

BRIAN

(AMUSED) You’re killin’ me.

3.08.05 INT. REGIME SHIP COCKPIT.

TRANSITION

FX: MUSIC, WHATEVER WE CAN GET FOR NO MONEY

MCCABE

Nothing, right?

KREJJH

Yeah.

MCCABE

Next!

FX: RADIO DIAL TURNING

KREJJH

C’mon, new station! No whammies, no whammies—!

CHUCK WEATHERS

—to Free Press, with Chuck Weathers. Our thanks to the brave IGR agents for their generous donation of some truly state-of-the-art comms equipment. I can say now with confidence that the days of our frequency getting hijacked by those damn radio pirates are finally o—

FX: SIGNAL INTRUSION

PIPER

This is Radio Free Telemachus, signal-intruding from our contraband brains to your outlaw ears! I’m Piper Tanaka, not my real name, and with me as always is the woman we call Kestrel Colvin!

KESTREL

Next up, we have—uh, hang on. Hang on.

PIPER

We have an update. Folks, uh. (TO SOMEONE OFF-MIC) Is this real? Are you sure. (PAUSE) Okay. Reina Sakamachi in the booth would like you to know that roughly twenty-two hours ago, the Regime’s three largest munitions plants were hit by an aerial attack.

KREJJH

Uh, folks? Krejjh to all crew: COCKPIT! RIGHT NOW.

KESTREL

Minimal casualties, but early reports say all three Rosado-based factories have been nearly leveled.

KREJJH

Woo! YEAH!

MCCABE

What the—? Did we—?

KESTREL

What’s more, this maneuver was only possible because the Regime’s armed drones were somehow taken out of commission, and as of right now, the drones are still not operational.

MCCABE

Did we actually do it?

KREJJH

Heck yeah we actually did! High fives!

FX: HIGH FIVES BETWEEN KREJJH AND MCCABE.

KREJJH

Higher fives!

FX: HIGH FIVES

MCCABE

How…

KREJJH

Victory hug?

MCCABE

Victory hug.

FX: A HUG.

PIPER

So if you’re listening from a Regime ship, and the one final thread keeping you from mutiny was the threat that they’d remotely bomb your craft out of the sky, this is the sound of that thread snapping.

KESTREL

At least for a while.

PIPER

Yeah, act fast. I don’t even—what do we—? Audience, we had a block of five songs scheduled but I don’t know how you cut from that to “here’s a little ditty”—

FX: COCKPIT DOOR SLIDES OPEN AND CLOSED AS VIOLET AND ARKADY HURRY THROUGH.

ARKADY

What’s wrong? Is something on fire?

VIOLET

I’ve got a med kit!

KREJJH

Sh! Listen.

KESTREL

This operation marks a significant success for the pro-revolutionary forces known as the Rooks. For the time being, the Regime just—doesn’t have major weapons manufacturing facilities. Wow. Uh.

ARKADY

Did she just say—

KREJJH

Yeah. Yeah.

VIOLET

Holy—it worked?

MCCABE

It worked!

VIOLET

Oh my god. Arkady!

PIPER

Obviously they’re gonna boost up their other manufacturing centers as soon as they can, but right now, the Regime’s got no drones and no way to replace their arms. And when the enemy has their pants down, I think we can all agree: the funniest move is to kick them in the ass. For your consideration.

FX: COCKPIT DOOR SLIDES OPEN AND CLOSED AS BRIAN RUNS THROUGH.

BRIAN

Krejjh, love, what’s going on?

KESTREL

We’ll let you know when we know the drones are back online. Our sources say it looks like this process could take days. Possibly weeks.

PIPER

So hey, maybe dust off those old supply routes and let’s send some aid to San Ramos, for old time’s sake.

BRIAN

The drones—?

KREJJH

We did it.

VIOLET

The drones, the three targets, everything. The factories are gone.

BRIAN

Okay, you all need to get out of the way so I can kiss my spouse.

PIPER

I don’t know what to say. I literally, I don’t know how to—

FX: BRIAN CROSSES THE COCKPIT.

KESTREL

Do you want to—?

PIPER

Yeah, okay, let’s play a song, I guess? And hey. If you’re in San Ramos, have hope. If you’re out there doing what you can for the revolution, stick with it. And if we’ve got any Regime grunts listening in on the airwaves tonight: kill your boss. In the meantime, uh, here’s Tail Light Rebellion with this season’s hit single, “Going to Fall.”

FX: “GOING TO FALL” BY TAIL LIGHT REBELLION

FX: COCKPIT DOOR OPENS, SANA AND PARK STEP THROUGH, DOORS CLOSE.

ARKADY

Sana—!

SANA

We won.

VIOLET

How’d you—?

PARK

Your faces.

BRIAN

Holy crap, you guys!

ARKADY

We should celebrate. How do we celebrate?

PARK

Krejjh and Brian could get married again.

KREJJH

Don’t threaten ME with a good time. We did it! Of course we did it. How could we not?

BRIAN

(AMUSED) Dude, I think our forces might deserve a smidge of the credit.

KREJJH

A smidge!

BRIAN

A smear!

KREJJH

A skosh!

SANA

Is there anything we can toast with?

VIOLET

I think they left half a pot of cold coffee in the kitchen?

PARK

That works.

SANA

I can go get it, are there cups?

VIOLET

Plastic mugs, cabinet above the coffeemaker.

ARKADY

I’ll help carry.

3.08.06 INT. REGIME SHIP HALLWAY INTO KITCHEN

FX: COCKPIT DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE FOR SANA AND ARKADY. WE FOLLOW THEM. FOOTSTEPS DOWN THE HALL.

ARKADY

Can you believe it?

SANA

No.

ARKADY

I know. (A BEAT) How’d you sleep?

SANA

Like the dead.

ARKADY

That’s good.

SANA

Yeah.

ARKADY

Before we head back in, we haven’t really gotten a chance to talk.

SANA

You wanna discuss feelings? On purpose? Sober? Where’s the real Arkady?

ARKADY

You’re putting off a chance to discuss feelings, with snark? Where’s the real Sana?

FX: UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE.

SANA

Oh, here we are. Kitchen!

FX: KITCHEN DOORS OPEN.

SANA

And coffee pot!

FX: SANA CROSSES INTO THE ROOM AND RETRIEVES THE COFFEE POT.

SANA

Where’d she say the mugs were?

ARKADY

Above the—

SANA

Above the coffeemaker, right.

FX: CABINET IS OPENED.

SANA

Arkady, you wanna help me with these?

ARKADY

I’m sorry.

SANA

For what?

ARKADY

Sana…

SANA

Look, I know I just slept for almost a day but I’m honestly still beat, so if we could keep moving? Please?

ARKADY

Yeah. Here.

FX: ARKADY RETRIEVES THE MUGS.

ARKADY

Are you sure—?

SANA

What?

ARKADY

You don’t wanna talk about…?

SANA

I really don’t.

KREJJH

Captain Tripathi and First Mate Patel! Scoot your boots back to the cockpit!

ARKADY

Krejjh, what’s the situation?

KREJJH

We got Thasia on the line!

3.08.07 INT. REGIME SHIP COCKPIT

FX: SANA AND ARKADY RUN DOWN THE REST OF THE HALLWAY. COCKPIT DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE FOR THEM.

ARKADY

Thasia—

THASIA

You’ve heard? The victory?

BRIAN

Dude, it’s all over Radio Free Telemachus.

THASIA

Our side has needed something to celebrate for a long while. Besides, it’s to our advantage the people know how long the drones are down. There’s opportunity in that pause.

KREJJH

How’re you holding up?

THASIA

I don’t understand how the planets still spin and the stars still burn. It feels—inappropriate. Disgusting, almost. But she would want me to persist.

SANA

She would, yeah.

MCCABE

Thasia, Security Officer McCabe here, we’re very sorry for your loss.

THASIA

Thank you.

MCCABE

But also, what the Hell are our orders?

KREJJH

Is this the time—

PARK

Well. It is the middle of a war.

ARKADY

Kid’s got a point. We’re sorry you’ve lost someone, we really are, but we’ve all lost someone. The only way we don’t lose more is if we get a shit ton of work done, right now. You said we have an opportunity, so let’s use it.

THASIA

I do not think I can sit in the office of commander. I am not her.

VIOLET

Nobody’s asking that, Thasia.

THASIA

I cannot begin to guess how to find someone else to lead us.

SANA

So don’t.

THASIA

What?

SANA

We take advantage of the lull from the drones and we hold a vote, everyone from our side, all the Rooks, everywhere. We all pick a leader, and they choose who runs our military, our espionage—all of it..

MCCABE

How would we—? Do you have any idea the layers of planning and logistics that would go into throwing together a spacewide election at short notice? Who’s overseeing the polls? Who’s tallying the votes?

THASIA

We are not without structure. Each planet, or station, or moon has its own chapter of who you call the Rooks. Commander Liu has lists somewhere, we could—reach out. Let all the local leaders plan for their own world.

SANA

We can tell Campbell.

ARKADY

Break the news that he’s got a shit ton of work ahead of him.

BRIAN

Are you kidding? No drones and an excuse to gather? It’s his birthday.

KREJJH

Thasia? What will you do?

THASIA

I was meant to wander. That’s always been my calling. Once we have this squared away, I might travel your part of the human world, speak on what I’ve seen. Why it matters what we do.

SANA

Sounds good. Is there someone to check in on you.

THASIA

I have—a team.

KREJJH

Dwajjah Qu’eshalzo o qu’shallzar, Thasia.

THASIA

Thay Kless’le, Krejjh. Thank you, everyone. As far as orders go, for now, you’ve earned a rest.

ELLA

Connection ended.

MCCABE

I had way more questions about the interim military structure—

ARKADY

Okay, I’ve been clutching these mugs like a goon long enough. A toast.

SANA

A toast!

(FX: BAD COFFEE POURED INTO SEVEN MUGS)

VIOLET

On second thought, I don’t love that we’re drinking their coffee.

BRIAN

Better to let it go to waste?

PARK

Besides, if it’s regulation strength, “coffee” is a stretch.

KREJJH

Well, we can flavor it with our victory! And these hazelnut creamers from my pocket.

MCCABE

Yes, please.

FX: HAZELNUT CREAMER PACKET POURED INTO A FEW CUPS.

ARKADY

You okay, Liu?

VIOLET

Yeah. Yeah.

ARKADY

You don’t have to be.

VIOLET

All the drones, down. Speaking as someone who’s seen what they can do, every second that lasts is a minor miracle.

SANA

To minor miracles.

BRIAN

To minor miracles.

FX: PLASTIC CUPS CLINK TOGETHER.

VIOLET

To being in the right place at the right time.

KREJJH

To being together again. We did it! Look at us.

ARKADY

To keeping the faith.

ALL

Cheers!

SLIGHT PAUSE AS THEY ALL TAKE A SIP.

VIOLET

Eugh.

SANA

Ohh, I haven’t had coffee in months but that was not good.

BRIAN

Now, d’you think, love?

KREJJH

Yeah, good a time as ever.

MCCABE

What?

KREJJH

So, when we get back. Me and Crewman Jeeter are gonna get a ship. Just a small one to start. Search and rescue.

MCCABE

Krejjh. During the war?

BRIAN

We’ll have plenty to do.

KREJJH

Yeah, it’s gonna be all hands on deck. We’ll need a hacker—

ARKADY

I’m in.

BRIAN

That easy?

ARKADY

Liu?

VIOLET

If you’re still looking for a doctor—

ARKADY

One doctor in particular, she’s about this tall—

VIOLET

I’m taller than that! I’m in.

BRIAN

We’ll need a sniper for security.

MCCABE

I’ll…help you draw up a hiring rubric, for my replacement.

KREJJH

Which won’t be, say, you in a funny hat? Are you sure?

MCCABE

I’m reaching out to Thasia again once we’re done here. We need an interim command structure, and we need someone to organize a lot of variables. And I would be very, very good at that.

BRIAN

You would.

KREJJH

We’ll throw your goodbye party once we’re done with this party.

BRIAN

In the meantime, do you wanna help us with our to-do lists for the new crew?

MCCABE

I’d like that.

KREJJH

And I’m thinking, maybe we’ll need another crewman, to help fly the thing?

PARK

You will need one of those.

KREJJH

And to lead us all, in missions and in sing-along songs—

SANA

Krejjh, I can’t.

KREJJH

What? I mean, okay, you’ve got your spot in San Ramos for now, but when the war ends…

SANA

Krejjh…

KREJJH

Captain Tripathi!

SANA

Let’s try plain old Tripathi for a while.

KREJJH

Dwarnian names don’t work like that. And we need a captain!

SANA

I think you’ve got one.

ARKADY

Before, when that drone was tracking us, I screwed it up. I almost got us killed.

SANA

I made mistakes all the goddamn time. Stuff like this, it’s not about getting everything perfect the first try.

BRIAN

You did pull it off in the end, Arkady.

ARKADY

Only because I had—so much help.

MCCABE

Yes, well, I have reliable intel that it’s our job.

VIOLET

She is here. We’re all here.

KREJJH

You—Crewman Tripathi, you can’t just go! Sharpshooter McCabe’s already leaving us. You can’t do this!

SANA

I need time. And room. I need so much of it, I don’t know if there’s any point in waiting.

KREJJH

What are we supposed to do without you? What’s the point? What was the point of any of it?

VIOLET

Uh, the lead singer of Birdie and the Swan Song said this thing after the band broke up that’s always stuck with me.

KREJJH

Birdie and the Swan Song broke up, too???

BRIAN

Krejjh, buddy…

VIOLET

She said, “It doesn’t need to last forever, to matter.” And it matters, okay? It counts. Violet from a year ago wouldn’t even begin to recognize the person I am now. If we’d never met…

PARK

Hear, hear.

ARKADY

Granted, Park’d probably still have two eyeballs.

PARK

It was worth it. Eventually.

KREJJH

We’re supposed to be a crew.

SANA

We still are. Krejjh, I love you. I love all of you. I just…

MCCABE

Where do you think you’ll go?

SANA

San Ramos, for a while. Help organize the vote there. After that, we’ll see.

BRIAN

So, Park, does that mean you’re out, too?

KREJJH

Why would Park be out? (A BEAT) No way, really? What! For how long?

PARK

Years after I’d formed my boundaries.

BRIAN

If you wanted to keep your relationship under wraps, dude, I’d recommend not opening the door to her room.

PARK

Solid point.

KREJJH

(DELIGHTED) What!

ARKADY

Krejjh.

KREJJH

Yes?

ARKADY

I meant to say. Great work getting us out of there.

KREJJH

Your desperate attempts at changing the subject through flattery won’t—No, I’m kidding, obviously, tell me how amazing I am!

3.08.08 INT. REGIME SHIP.

TRANSITION

FX: TYPING.

PARK

McCabe?

FX: TYPING PAUSES

MCCABE

Yes?

PARK

Are you working?

MCCABE

Mm-hmm.

PARK

Can you take a break?

MCCABE

Um, briefly.

FX: PARK PULLS UP A CHAIR AND SITS DOWN.

PARK

You know, Sana and I might need security.

MCCABE

On your way to San Ramos?

PARK

Or what comes after.

FX: TYPING. A SIP OF COFFEE.

PARK

You’re seriously drinking the rest of the coffee.

MCCABE

It takes me back.

PARK

When I first met you on New Jupiter, you were, uh.

MCCABE

Naive? Deluded? Brainwashed?

PARK

You scared me.

FX: MCCABE STOPS TYPING.

PARK

You were so focused. Ambitious. Unwilling to cut a corner or make a mistake.

MCCABE

Nobody willingly makes mistakes.

PARK

You were the last person I would’ve predicted to turn.

MCCABE

Oh.

PARK

I’m glad you did. (PAUSE) You know that you can come with us? Any of us.

MCCABE

I know. But Thasia needs help putting together a temporary command structure, and I have to think about where I could have the greatest impact. And my career. Same old McCabe.

PARK

You want to do something important.

MCCABE

Yes.

PARK

Nothing wrong with that. Ambition’s like anything. It can be good or bad.

MCCABE

I’ll have to watch myself.

PARK

We all have to watch ourselves.

MCCABE.

(SIPS COFFEE)

PARK

(APPALLED) Have you ever had regular strength coffee?

MCCABE

Is it that different?

PARK

When this stuff is done, I’m showing you how to brew a decent pot.

MCCABE

It’s that good?

PARK

It’s adequate.

MCCABE

Thank you.

PARK

Pass it on to everyone at Thasia’s base. Nobody deserves to drink this.

3.08.09 INT. REGIME SHIP KITCHEN

TRANSITION

FX: WE’RE IN THE KITCHEN.

ARKADY

Come on. Come on.

FX: KITCHEN DOOR OPENS.

SANA

Who’re you talking to?

ARKADY

She’s behind the fridge.

SANA

Who is?

FX: CAT MEOWS FROM BEHIND THE FRIDGE.

ARKADY

Undecided. For now.

SANA

You’re keeping her?

ARKADY

Not her fault her old owners were fascists. Should we get her a bell or something, d’you think?

SANA

It’d hurt her chances as a mouser.

ARKADY

She can be unemployed. Doesn’t need a job to have a fuzzy little tummy.

SANA

You realize she’ll be a liability, right?

ARKADY

What?

SANA

You’ll be heading into a ton of tense, dangerous situations, you don’t need an animal running around, making noise, needing food, needing care—

ARKADY

There’s room for her, on the ship. Whatever ship comes after this one.

SANA

She’s gonna take up time and resources, she won’t contribute anything—

ARKADY

The crew already loves her, what d’you suggest we do?

SANA

I’m sure we could find someone to take her in San Ramos.

ARKADY

I’m sure we could. We’re keeping her. And no offense, but it’s not really your call.

SANA

I—yeah. No, you’re right.

ARKADY

Hey. Can I give you another hug?

SANA

Always.

FX: THEY HUG.

SANA

I’m sorry, I really am tired. I should—

ARKADY

You don’t owe anyone anything. In fact, I seem to remember, I owe you twenty bucks.

SANA

Kady—

ARKADY

And a year or ten years from now…if we can keep a spot open for a fuzzy little bastard who mostly just scares the shit out of us by hiding in places she shouldn’t be…

SANA

I don’t wanna give you false hope.

ARKADY

Well, good news, turns out there’s other kinds.

FX: KITCHEN DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS FOR VIOLET.

VIOLET

Why are you two—is Duchess back there?

SANA

Duchess as in—?

VIOLET

Calpurnia Higginsworth Cobb the second?

ARKADY

She’s not Duchess, I vetoed Duchess. Krejjh and Jeeter still needed one more vote—

VIOLET

Yeah, I caved.

ARKADY

Why?

VIOLET

Brian and Krejjh traded me their share of the chocolate they found in the Mess.

ARKADY

(AMUSED) Bribery? Is that where we’re at?

SANA

Shocking.

VIOLET

They were so proud of themselves! I’ll split it with you, Arkady.

ARKADY

Soft bargain.

VIOLET

Is that a yes?

ARKADY

Duchess! Duchess!

FX: CAT MEOWS.

SANA

I’ve got her! No, I don’t. And there she goes. I’ll be right back.

FX: CAT SCAMPERS AWAY. KITCHEN DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS.

VIOLET

So. Captain Patel.

ARKADY

It’s growing on me.

VIOLET

Yeah?

ARKADY

I can’t—I don’t think I can be like Sana.

VIOLET

You don’t have to be. Plus, y’know.

ARKADY

What?

VIOLET

No matter what, you’ll have a shipful of weirdos at your back.

ARKADY

No matter what. Yeah, let’s give it a try.

VIOLET

Sounds good.

ARKADY

Hey. Dance with me, Liu.

VIOLET

To what?

ARKADY

Who cares?

VIOLET

(SINGING, TO THE TUNE OF “WHISKEY IN THE JAR”)

Jenny, she had tricked me and it chilled me to my marrow,

But then she aimed my pistol at the heart of Captain Farrell,

She was a triple agent, much to to my utter wonder

Now we live in the mountains, free and happy with our plunder,

Musha ring dumb a do dumb a da.

Whack for my daddy-o,

Whack for my daddy-o.

There's whiskey in the jar-o.

ARKADY

I don’t remember those lyrics.

VIOLET

I had some downtime during slow shifts at the hospital. I know it’s probably heresy, but—

ARKADY

Nah, folk music bends to fit its purpose. How many verses did you write?

VIOLET

(A LOT) Uh…

3.08.10 INT. REGIME SHIP COCKPIT.

KREJJH

Folks, we are coming up on San Ramos! Conditions are good, descent is clear, nobody’s got anything aimed at us, and I was thinking—join me in the cockpit? One last landing as a crew.

BRIAN

Krejjh, love, we’ll have a crew after this, too.

KREJJH

Then one last landing as us. Krejjh out.

So. I talked to Swarnsh, about what the Dwarnian Federation could do for us now that we’ve got a fighting chance.

BRIAN

How’d it go?

KREJJH

They’re. Uh. They don’t wanna make promises yet, but they’re hopeful.

BRIAN

You okay?

KREJJH

I. Uh. Not really?

BRIAN

Krejjh, is there anything I can do?

KREJJH

Tell me a story. About when Captain Tripathi comes back and everything’s like it was.

BRIAN

Are you sure you want that story, bud? It might not come true.

KREJJH

Then tell me a story about when it all stops hurting so bad.

BRIAN

Of course. Let’s see, where to begin—

3.08.11 INT. NEW SHIP. EPILOGUE.

TRANSITION

ARKADY

Captain’s log. Entry one. We’ve got a ship, we’ve got a full tank of fuel, and a brilliant doctor ready to look after some patients.

VIOLET

Hi. And a promising new captain at the helm.

ARKADY

Hello.

BRIAN

Plus, one very good-looking pilot!

KREJJH

And also the handsomest crewman in this galaxy or any other!

ARKADY

Anyone else? Diaz? Roz? Might as well complete the roll call.

SAM

Uh, Samuel Diaz, security officer, I’d say I’m a six or a seven in the right lighting?

ROZ

Roz Kirkpatrick, mechanic-for-hire, and let the record show Diaz is selling himself short. Eight and a half at least.

SAM

Yeah, yeah, you think everyone’s beautiful.

ROZ

Everyone is. I can’t help that.

ARKADY

Okay, that took a turn. Not sure if that’s a good turn or a shit turn, but a turn was made. Krejjh, where are we at?

KREJJH

Keeping pace, we’re looking at…an hour from Nahar?

ARKADY

Sounds good, let’s maintain speed for now.

KREJJH

RIghto, Captain Patel!

ARKADY

Alright, we won’t have much time when we land so let’s be ready. Mission review in five, unless anyone’s got something to add before I sign off?

VIOLET

One thing.

ARKADY

Yeah? Say the word, Liu.

VIOLET

Let’s do this.

END

CREDITS MUSIC

JESS

This episode features—

RAE

Rae Tay as Juniper

RUKHMANI

Rukhmani K Desai as Sana Tripathi

BRI

Bri LeFever as Krejjh

JAMIE

Jamie Price as Brian Jeeter

CINDY

Cindy Chu as Violet Liu

ISHANI

Ishani Kanetkar as Arkady Patel

VRAI

Vrai Kaiser as Thasia

JACKIE

Jackie Andrews as RJ McCabe

CHRIS

Chris Choi as Jin Seon Park

WILLIAM

William Mericle as Chuck Weathers

JULIA

Julia Morizawa as Piper

LUCILLE

Lucille Valentine as Kestrel

JERRON

Jerron Bacat as Samuel Diaz

ASHA

Asha Lloyd as Roz Kirkpatrick

JESS

Written by Jessica Best

ELLA

Directed by Ella Watts

LAUREN

Dialogue cut by Lauren Grace Thompson

ELEANOR

Production Coordinator Eleanor Hyde

JEFFREY

Sound design by Jeffrey Nils Gardner

JESS

Opening credits music is “Fear for the Storm” by Jessica Best and S.E. Winters, performed by Chiron Star with Erin Bauman on vocals and harmonies arranged by Jamie Price.

JONNY

“Going to Fall” is written and performed by Tail Light Rebellion. It was exclusively created for The Strange Case of Starship Iris, and will be the lead single off their upcoming album.

AMBER

The closing credits music is “Rocket Science” by Amber Devereux of Tin Can Audio

JESS

This has been The Strange Case of Starship Iris. Thanks for listening.