• Procyon Podcast Network

Me and AU 11. "Signaling" Transcript

Updated: 5 days ago

1. VOICEMAIL

SOUND: A PHONE RINGS SEVERAL TIMES, FOLLOWED BY A VOICEMAIL BEEP

Whitney

(SHE SOUNDS A LITTLE TIRED)

Hey Kate, it's Whitney. Guess what?


You're going to be here in two weeks! Two weeks and... okay, it's after 10 p.m. here... so that's.... two weeks and two days! Sixteen days!


Ah, I'm calling because I wanted to ask if there are any touristy things you want to do while you're here? We could go to the Kensington Market or the CN Tower or -- I haven't had a chance to go to the ROM yet. Their dinosaur exhibit is supposed to be really good, from what I hear. And there's a wing on Ancient Egypt if you want to revisit Grade Six and that really bad secret code we tried to make out of hieroglyphics. That could be fun?


If you don't want to do anything special, that's okay too! We could just hang out and talk. Whatever you want to do.


I'm heading home from the office now, so if you have time for a call I'm free whenever. If I don't answer I might be on the street car but I'll call you back right away, okay? Talk soon.

...


Bye.


2.SOMETHING NEW


(FULL PODFIC FANTASY. WE'RE IN A VERY SMALL, TILED BARTHROOM. A FAN WHIRS SOFTLY OVERHEAD. LIGHT FLUORESCENT LIGHT HUM.)

SOUND: A FAUCET TURNS ON AND RUNS A FEW SECONDS BEFORE SHUTTING OFF. WE HEAR WATER WRUNG OUT OF A WASHCLOTH INTO THE SINK.

GRACE

Tilt your head up?


JODI

Honestly, I'm fine.


GRACE

And turn your cheek this way.


JODI

You don't have to do this--


GRACE

I can't see from this angle.


JODI

I can wash my own -- are you even listening?


GRACE

I heard you. You're big girl who can take care of herself. Just like you did tonight.

Now let me see it.


KATE

Jodi surveyed the room. One exit, blocked, and no windows. The only way out was through. With a sigh, she lifted her chin and let Grace press the washcloth to the gash still bleeding sluggishly at her jawline.


JODI

(IT STINGS. SHE HISSES) Ow.


GRACE

(NOT SORRY) ...yeah. Stings. Sorry.


JODI

(NOT THANKFUL) Thanks.


GRACE

That thing get you anywhere else?


JODI

Just bruises.


GRACE

Promise you're not secretly bleeding out of your abdomen and too stoic to tell me?


JODI

...why would you ask that?


GRACE

Cause you're holding your jacket closed like you've got something to hide. And don't take this wrong, Strong Silent Type, but you're kind of a cliche.


JODI

It's freezing in here and that thing broke my zipper when it threw me across the alley.


GRACE

Mm, that's monsters for you. Hard on the wardrobe.


JODI

If I were bleeding my guts out I would make you take me to the Emergency Room.


GRACE

I'm holding you to that, Action Girl.


KATE

Grace pulled the cloth away and examined Jodi's face with an intensity that made it hard not to squirm. Typical witch. None of them ever blinked enough for comfort.


GRACE

(CONSIDERING) Hm.


You're not the type of person who secretly wants a cool facial scar, are you?


JODI

I'm holding out for something on a cheekbone.


GRACE

Then I should warn you, this is going to sting a hell of a lot more.


SOUND: THE BATHROOM CABINETS RATTLE, A LIGHTBULB FIZZES IN ITS SOCKET. THERE'S A SUDDEN RUSH OF WIND THAT UNDERLIES THE NEXT LINE (ALSO WINDCHIMES? INDOORS? WHY THE FUCK NOT).

KATE

One of her first summers in Selkirk, Jodi had stepped on a pixie nest out in the woods. Grace's hand on her jaw felt kind of like that -- as if someone had packed the wound full of pop rocks and then attached jumper cables.


JODI

Aah.


SOUND: THE SURGE OF MAGIC SUBSIDES

GRACE

There. All better.


KATE

As quickly as it had come, the current of magic was gone, leaving only a raw, stinging place on her jaw, a throbbing muscle in her temple and Grace's hand, soft against her cheek.


JODI

...thanks. For earlier, too.


GRACE

Any time.


KATE

Grace still hadn't blinked. Or moved her hand. Up to Jodi to move this along again, then. She allowed herself one deep, steadying breath before she leaned forward and sealed her lips to--


(THE LIGHTBULB STARTS TO FIZZLE AND FLICKER, A BIT LIKE IT WOULD IN SOME VERY OVER THE TOP HORROR FILM, CUTTING KATE OFF. THE REST OF THE AMBIANCE DROPS.)

KATE, CONT.

"Sealed her lips"? Jesus, what even is that?


(THE PREVIOUS SOUND PROFILE STARTS TO FADE BACK UP, THEN DIES FOR GOOD AROUND 'MOUTH WITH')

KATE, CONT.

...as she leaned forward to claim Grace's mouth with -- aaaaand that's a no.

...as she leaned forward to lay a smooch on -- NOPE.

...as she leaned forward to kiss... her... face... with... her own... face....

(THE BULB GOES OUT WITH A POP. FANTASY DROPPED FOR GOOD)

KATE, CONT.

Maybe I'll finish this after work.

3. LONG NIGHTS

(THE USUAL COFFEE SHOP AMBIANCE)


SOUND: A MILK STEAMER IS GOING. AND GOING. AND GOING--


STUART Hey, don't listen to what the sticker on that cup says, there's no whip, just extra--

(CLEARS THROAT)

Uh, Kate? Earth to Kate?

(LOUD)

HEY KATE.


SOUND: THE STEAMER SWITCHES OFF


KATE

Huh?


STUART

...I think you might wanna start that one over.


KATE

Oh. Yeah...


Thanks.


STUART

You okay?


KATE

Just tired.


STUART

You know, we make something for that.


KATE

I already had three before you got here.


SOUND: MILK STEAMER AGAIN, HISSING OFF JUST AFTER KATE'S NEXT LINE.

STUART

Yikes.


KATE

Oh, like I didn't see you chug four shots of espresso yesterday.


SOUND: LIQUID INTO PAPER CUP. CUP SLIDES ACROSS COUNTER.


KATE, cont.

Vanilla latte for Eugene?


STUART

Yeah, and I felt alive. You look like you want to die.


KATE

I just had a late night, okay?

(LOUDER)

Vanilla latte for Eugene?


STUART

Did you finally listen to me about Karaoke night at the Central?


KATE

You know I don't leave the house.

(SUPER CHILL SUPER CASUAL NOTHING TO SEE HERE)

A friend and I started watching a movie too late.


STUART

Oh, you got Ella to watch Stardust?


KATE

I mean, it made zero sense that she hadn't seen it, even she agreed with me after we--

(O SHIT I'VE BEEN MADE)

Vanilla latte no whip for Eugene?


STUART

I think he’s in the bathroom.


(THE USUAL CHATTER OF THE COFFEE SHOP FADES DOWN, JUST A LITTLE WHISPER OF THE USUAL MOVEMENT AND CONVERSATION.)


KATE

Oh.


I, ah. Hm. I should -- I should start the... the next...


Wait, are we actually caught up on orders?


STUART

No one else has come through the register. What about the drive though?


KATE

I haven't had anything in like ten minutes.


What about the app? Any preorders?


STUART

Uh... no. All clear.


KATE

Not even an Americano? Drip coffee?


STUART

Nothing.


KATE

Okay. Cool.

(BEAT OF SILENCE)

This is...


STUART

Weird.


KATE

Spooky.


STUART

Yeah.

(LONGER BEAT OF SILENCE)


KATE

Should we be doing something?


STUART

Like what?


KATE

Um. We could... clean? Something?


STUART

I did the floors when I got here. We could... grind coffee?


KATE

I did that when I got here. Do you wanna just like...


STUART

Stand here?


KATE

Yeah. That.


STUART

I can look busy if you can.


KATE

I've got a game face. See?


STUART

...mm, you mostly still look tired.


KATE

See if I ever slip you an extra shot again.


STUART

You look very busy, Kate.


KATE

Thank you Stuart.

(ANOTHER PAUSE, LESS AWKWARD)


STUART

Hey — by the way — I've been meaning to ask: How committed are you to the housebound thing?


KATE

I mean, I’m here, so it’s a work in progress.


STUART

Right, yeah.


KATE

Why?


STUART

I was thinking we should get drinks after work some time.


KATE

Oh.


STUART

That aren't coffee.


KATE

Right.


STUART

If you're okay with sticky floors there's a place over by the mall that's okay. Cheap beer, decent nachos. Not bad.


KATE

Uhhhh....


STUART

Sorry, I should have asked -- do you drink?


KATE

Like... sometimes...


STUART

If you don't do bars, we can do tea or smoothies or something.

(A LITTLE UNDER THEIR BREATH, DESPITE THE EMPTY ROOM) I just don't meet new gay people in this city very often, you know? So it’d be cool to hang out some time when no one’s gonna yell at us for not upselling pastries.


KATE

You’re gay?


STUART

Well, pan. And nonbinary. I mostly use they/them when I'm not at work.


KATE

Oh. That’s cool. That’s really cool actually. Thanks for telling me!


STUART

...uhhhh. Did you not kinda know already?


KATE

Huh?


STUART

You kept telling me about your girlfriend. I thought you were trying to signal.


KATE

MY


STUART

Ella?


KATE

Hooookay. Uh. Pump the braeks. Hold on a minute.


STUART

Did I say something wrong--


KATE

My... girlfriend...


STUART

Oh god, if you're straight, I'm--


KATE

Nohaha- No I'm not — I like girls.


STUART

Okay, thank God.


KATE

Wait, so you weren't--

(TO HERSELF) Oh my god I'm gonna have to pay a gay fine.


STUART

What?


KATE

Uh, I thought you were asking me out for a second.


STUART

Oh, uh--


KATE

And you thought I was... dating... Never mind.


Ah, so, I missed a lot of stuff, huh?


STUART

You've covered shifts for me to go on dates before. And I swear I've told you Garrett's actor is hot a bunch of times.


KATE

Yeah, but that last one's just an objective fact.


STUART

Wow, I'm never feeling bad about not getting foreshadowing again.


KATE

Yeah, no, for real.


Sorry. Sorry if I just freaked you out.


STUART

I mean, you could make it up to me.


KATE

...nachos Friday?


STUART

Hell yeah nachos Friday.


SOUND: STUART'S LINE IS INTERRUPTED BY THE SOUND OF AN ELECTRONIC BEEP (KIND OF LIKE A MICROWAVE TIMER). FOLLOWED A MOMENT LATER BY ANOTHER BEEP. THEN JUST AN AVALANCHE OF BEEPING.


KATE

Oh God, is that--


STUART

Preorders. So many preorders...


KATE

...we're gonna need more iced coffee.


STUART

We're gonna need body bags.


KATE

You rack the ice, I pour?


STUART

Deal.


Hey, don't think this is getting you out of explaining whatever's going on with you and Ella, because if there's gossip--


SOUND: MORE FURIOUS BEEPING

KATE

Coffee first. Friendship later.


STUART

I'll get the cups.

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