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Me and AU 14. "Pictures of Success" Transcript

Updated: 5 days ago

1. I COULD HAVE DANCED ALL NIGHT


(NARRATION AMBIANCE: A SOFT BACKDROP OF HARMONIC NOTES BASED ON THE SHOW'S THEME WASHES BEHIND KATE'S WORDS)


NARRATOR KATE The thing no one tells you about Toronto in the summer is that it kinda smells a little bit like hot garbage all the time.


But, on the plus side, there are a bunch of cute parks all over downtown. And when you're wandering across a field of green grass, pretending to write your own second season of your favourite TV show, the garbage thing is surprisingly easy to ignore. Especially when you finally figure out how to work in B.C.'s best lake monster, even though it's located in a whole different region. And especially when your season two co-writer gets so excited for your Ogopogo-related plot twist that she catches your arm and squeezes and--


Ah, anyway.


We walked around the park until Ella's parking meter expired again. And by that time it was hours past lunch and I needed more coffee, so we figured, why not find a place to eat? And while we were looking for food we found a super cute used book store, so obviously we had to go there after. And by the time we'd finished shoving all our favourite books at each other it was nearly--


(WE'RE BACK ON THE STREET FROM EPISODE 13. SAME MILD TRAFFIC.)


KATE

Five o'clock.


ELLA

Already?


KATE

Four fifty nine. But basically.


ELLA

Do you need to get going?


KATE

Yeah, sorry. I told Whitney we’d hang for at least some of today. I think we're gonna get food and stuff.


ELLA

That's fine. I meant to leave earlier than this too.


KATE

Oh shit, is traffic going to totally suck right now?


ELLA

Probably, but don't worry. I can handle a little traffic jam. This was really fun.


KATE

It was.


ELLA

Message me when you know what time you're getting to the convention hall on Saturday?


KATE

Yeah for sure.


(BEAT)


Hey -- I know you're working the rest of this week, and city's bad for traffic, but if you felt like making another drive in before Fan Fest--


ELLA

(WAY TOO FAST)

We could get dinner on Friday?


2. A RAPID RETURN TO EARTH


SOUND: A DOOR SLAMS OPEN WITH ENTHUSIASM


KATE

Hey Whitney, I'm back!


SOUND: DOOR CLOSES MUCH MORE NORMALLY


KATE, CONT.

Sorry I'm late -- I took the wrong bus for like twenty blocks before I realized. I think I got all the way to Spadina.


WHITNEY

(A LITTLE FUNNY SOUNDING)

Hey. Did you have a good time?


KATE

(GOOEY, OBLIVIOUS)

It was amazing.


WHITNEY

Great.


KATE

She's so cool. I was worried we weren't gonna click in person, but we totally just -- oh man, you're really gonna like her, I'm super excited for you guys to meet.


WHITNEY

Mmhm.


KATE

And she -- I think we're gonna get dinner Friday? Like -- get dinner? You know? Maybe?


WHITNEY

(FLAT)

Oh.


KATE

Wait. Shit, do we have something planned then?


WHITNEY

No.


KATE

You're doing that face.


WHITNEY

I'm not. What kind of food does she like? I can probably recommend a place for you two.


KATE

Oh, good call. I’ll email her to ask.


SOUND: A PHONE UNLOCKS. TYPING UNDER THE FOLLOWING LINES.


KATE, CONT.

Hey, you could come with if you want -- we could get the introductions done out of the way early -- it'd be fun--

WHITNEY

It’s fine. I'll find something else to do.

KATE

Okay.

SOUND: TYPING. SENT NOISE.


KATE, CONT.

So what do you want to do tonight? Any cool Toronto nightlife stuff we need to hit up?


WHITNEY

Maybe we should just order pizza.


KATE

Really? I thought you wanted to go out somewhere.


WHITNEY

I don't feel like it.


KATE

(CONFUSED BUT TRYING TO BE UPBEAT)

Okay, sure. Pizza's great.


Do you still like Hawaiian?


WHITNEY

Whatever you want is fine.


KATE

Ok, you're being super weird right now. What's going on?


WHITNEY

I'm just tired and hungry and I want to get pizza, is that alright?


KATE

...Hawaiian's fine with me too.


WHITNEY

I'll put in an order.


(A W K W A R D)


SOUND: A COUPLE RETREATING FOOTSTEPS THAT STOP WHEN KATE STARTS TO TALK.

KATE

...um, hey, I'm really sorry I was gone so long. We were just having a really good day and I lost track of time.


WHITNEY

I'm not mad at you.


KATE

It's fine though -- you can be mad. I wasn't thinking. I should have texted you or something so you didn’t have to want around for me all afternoon--


WHITNEY

Do you want me to be mad at you?


KATE

I'm just trying to apologize.


WHITNEY

Okay, fine. I accept your apology. Happy?


KATE

Dude, come on, I know when you're upset. You're my best friend.


WHITNEY

Am I?


KATE

What?


WHITNEY

Nothing.


KATE

Whitney.


WHITNEY

...Kate?


KATE

Yeah?


WHITNEY

(VERY SMALL)

Why aren't we friends any more?


KATE

What?


What do you mean?


WHITNEY

I have to call you every time. Did you know that? You don't call first, you don't start texts. It's always me.


KATE

You were working, I didn't know when--


WHITNEY

I was here almost a week before the job started and the only time you messaged first was to send me a fanfic. And you haven't even done that in months.


KATE

Because you hadn't seen the show.


WHITNEY

Do you even hear yourself?


KATE

Ok, I suck at communication, I'm sorry. But I'm here right now. I literally flew across four provinces to be here.


WHITNEY

You're here for a convention--


KATE

Because you invited me to go with you--


WHITNEY

Because I missed you, you doofus. I don't even like the show!


KATE

You -- really?


WHITNEY

I -- I don't hate it. I just don't care as much as you. All I wanted to do was spend time with my best friend.


KATE

And I'm here.


WHITNEY

Yeah, because your other friend has to work during the day.


KATE

Oh, woah, wait.


WHITNEY

And it's fine. Mom keeps saying people grow apart and you can't force things -- and it's cool that you have a mew friend and you're happy but--

(A DAM IS BREAKING, SHE'S BEEN HOLDING SOME STUFF IN A WHILE)

But it's just been really -- really hard out here and -- and I needed someone to talk to and I missed you so much--


KATE

Whitney--


WHITNEY

I hate it here. I hate the hours and the meetings and the CEO's nephew who gets away with doing half the work the rest of us do. And I hate how no one will make eye contact in public just in case they might have to interact with another human and -- and everyone keeps telling me I'm such a hard worker and I have a real future here and -- this is what the rest of my life's going to be like and I hate it--


KATE

Okay, dude. I'm hugging you.


WHITNEY

You don't need to--


KATE

I really do.


(THEY HUG, THERE'S A LONG MOMENT AS WHITNEY JUST BREATHES THROUGH THIS, TRYING TO PULL HERSELF BACK TOGETHER.)


KATE, CONT.

I'm so sorry.


WHITNEY

It's fine...


KATE

It's super not fine.


WHITNEY

...yeah, you're probably right.


KATE

You know... I've been super jealous of you right?


WHITNEY What?


KATE

You're doing stuff. Real stuff. Adult stuff. You have so many goals and you're so driven. Every time I try to think more than a week in the future I get so freaked out I can't breathe but you -- I thought you had it all figured out.


WHITNEY

(RUEFUL LAUGH) I thought I did too.


KATE

What happened?


WHITNEY

I -- I had this picture in my head of who I was going to be by the end of this summer. And the longer I was here, the less it matched up with anything. I kept thinking if I worked a little longer or tried harder or came in on weekends something would click and I'd... get it. Be that.

They want to hire me full time after graduation.


KATE

And?


WHITNEY

I said yes.


KATE

YOU WHAT?


WHITNEY

It's a good position. A lot of responsibility for entry-level.

...and I didn't want to seem rude.


KATE

You seem miserable.


WHITNEY

No one's supposed to like their first adult job. 'Do what you love' isn't realistic advice.


KATE

Yeah, but there's a lot of room between 'do what you love' and 'work at this thing you hate.'


WHITNEY

But what if I hate everything?


KATE

I... I guess you might.


WHITNEY

Wow, thanks.


KATE

No -- no, wait. That's not what I mean.


WHITNEY

Uh...


KATE

I'm really sorry about how this question is gonna sound, but you know what I love about Selkirk?


WHITNEY

I'm trying to get a job. Not trying to kill a bigfoot.


(SLOWLY, THE SAME SOFT HARMONICS OF OUR NARRATOR BACKDROP SWELL UP UNDER KATE'S LINE.)


KATE

No, for real. You've got Tony -- this guy knows his life is all bad. There's no good ending. No matter what he does, what he tries, he's gonna fail and he's gonna die.

And so he shuts down. He doesn't do anything. Doesn't try to make friends, or find something he's good at, or love anyone or experience anything--


WHITNEY

I've seen the show.


KATE

Then you already know it's all bullshit. The real curse isn't death, it's 30 years of never trying anything because it's so easy to listen to the voices in your head that say the bad stuff is all there is.


WHITNEY

Sure, but.


KATE

Maybe the next job you try won't be better. It might be pretty bad too. The picture in your head might not ever make you happy.


But, you're definitely gonna be unhappy if you let that fear keep you doing the stuff you already know doesn't work. You gotta try stuff, you know?


WHITNEY

...you remember Tony died in the finale, right?


KATE

(LAUGHS)

He got better! And if you need someone to lose an eye resurrecting you, I'm right here. Ready to try to be the friend you deserve.


WHITNEY

I really missed you, nerd.


KATE

I missed you too. I'm sorry I didn't let you see that.


WHITNEY

Do you -- do you still want to order pizza.


KATE

Sure. Are you really going to take that job?


WHITNEY

I don't know. I'll -- I'll think about it. Maybe we can talk some more later?


KATE

Yeah. Yeah for sure.


Hey, um, in the interest of... sharing, or whatever?


WHITNEY

Uh huh?


KATE

I really wasn't trying to replace you with Ella, I swear. She's, um -- I think I'm kind of in love with her?


WHITNEY

Wait, you're dating her?


KATE

...um.


WHITNEY

Kate. Just for that I'm making you pay for the pizza.


KATE

Yeah, that's fair.


WHITNEY

I mean, did you even listen to your own pep talk?


KATE

I--


Yeah, actually. I think I kind of did.

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