• Procyon Podcast Network

Me and AU 15. "You" Transcript

Updated: May 3

1. GOTTA GET UP GOTTA GET OUT...


SOUND: AN ALARM CLOCK BLARES. WE HEAR IT BEEP BEEP BEE-- A HAND SMACKS AGAINST PLASTIC. IT CUTS OFF ABRUPTLY.

ELLA 6:30 a.m. - Wake up.

6:35 to 6:50 a.m. - Shower.


SOUND: FABRIC RUSTLING OVER NEXT COUPLE LINES.

ELLA, CONT.

6:55 a.m. - Get Dressed.

7 a.m. - See outfit in the bathroom mirror. Try getting dressed again.

7:15 a.m. - Hmmmm.... maybe lipstick?


SOUND: A FAUCET TURNS ON A RUNS FOR A MOMENT

ELLA, CONT. 7:20 a.m. - Wash off lipstick.

7:22 a.m. - Wash off weird Joker smile left by smeared lipstick.

7:30 a.m. - Running late for work now. Let's see... coffee, bag, phone, car keys. And, hm, maybe put one-- no, two spare outfits in the car. Just in case.


SOUND: A CAR DOOR SLAMS AND THEN AN ENGINE RUMBLES TO LIFE UNDER THE PREVIOUS LINE. NEXT LINE, ENGINE CONTINUES TO RUMBLE. EITHER ONE HORN HONKS LOUDER OR WE HEAR A FEW FAR AWAY BEEPS.


ELLA, CONT.

7:45 a.m. - Traffic.

8:00 a.m. - Realize that even when this commute is over, dinner is still eleven hours away.


SOUND: A SIGNAL LIGHT IS THROWN ON, WE HEAR A CAR SLOW TO A STOP. KEYS TURN IN THE IGNITION AND AN ENGINE DIES.

ELLA, CONT.

8:02 a.m. - Stop to get coffee.


2. THIS IS THE DAY


(A SMALL ROOM. NO TRAFFIC. WE LINGER IN THE SILENCE FOR A SECOND)


KATE

(A HEAVY INDRAWN BREATH, GOING FROM MOSTLY ASLEEP TO FULLY CONSCIOUS. THEN, TO HERSELF)

Oh shit.


SOUND: RUSTLE OF BEDCLOTHES THROWN BACK AS KATE SITS UP.


KATE,CONT

(STAGE WHISPERED)

Whitney? Are you awake?

Whitney? Whitney.

SOUND: ANOTHER LIL' RUSTLE.

WHITNEY

(NOT AWAKE)

What?

KATE

It's the day.

WHITNEY

No it's not, it's six thirty in the morning.

KATE

No, Whitney. It's The Day.

WHITNEY

Please go back to sleep...

KATE

Whitney it's The Day.

WHITNEY

Why are you like this?

KATE

Whitney--

WHITNEY

(SUDDENLY FULLY AWAKE)

Oh my god Kate, I love you, but if you don't go have your breakdown in the kitchen I will smother you with this pillow.

KATE

...I'll bring you a coffee when it's ready?

WHITNEY

You're the best.

KATE

Just so we're clear this is totally not a breakdown--

WHITNEY

Kate.

KATE

Two sugars and a splash of hot water, coming up.


3. UP AND AWAY, GOT A BIG DAY


(INTERNET AMBIANCE. SOFT HARMONICS IN A VAST SPACE PLAY BEHIND THE SCENE)


COMPUTER VOICE

Email sent Thursday, August 20


SOUND: EMAIL SENT SOUND


ELLA

Hi Kate:


If the timestamp on that email you sent me last night is accurate, you're probably still asleep. So, whenever you do wake up and see this: Good morning.


What are you up to for the day before we meet up? I know you mentioned a trip to the museum as a possibility at one point. If you go, you'll have to let me know how it holds up. I haven't been through since high school, but I have fond memories of the bat cave.

It should be a normal day here. Nothing too exciting. I'm looking forward to dinner tonight! I'll check in when I'm ready to leave the office so we can coordinate arrival times.


(WE WAIT MAYBE THREE SECONDS MAX, THEN)


SOUND: EMAIL RECEIVED


KATE Look, my mom is always saying I'm supposed to enjoy my youth while it lasts, so in some ways getting four hours of sleep is the responsible thing to do here.

We're going to the ROM after breakfast, so standby for dinosaur selfies as soon as I finish these pancakes.


Looking forward to seeing you too.


(WE LINGER IN THE INTERNET AMBIANCE A LITTLE LONGER THIS TIME, THEN)

SOUND: A MOUSE DOUBLECLICKS, AS IF OPENING A NEW DOCUMENT. THEN, TYPING, SLOWLY FADING OUT UNDER ELLA'S LINES.

ELLA

Reasons tonight is probably not a date. An argument in... an uncertain number of points.


Point One: "Do you feel like driving back into the city later this week?" is not the same as, "Do you want to go on a date with me?" even if they both are questions.


Point Two: While "do you want to get dinner?" is a little closer to a standard date-like invitation, eating food with someone isn't inherently romantic. Otherwise, I would have had to have some awkward conversations with several people in the company lunchroom.


Point Three: If two genre-savvy writers make plans and no one says "it's a date" afterwards, to flirt-slash-clarify the issue, it's probably not a date.


Point Four: Not actually a new argument, I just want to note that I could have made things a lot clearer if I had thought of Point Three on Wednesday.


Point Five: I can't think of anything else to write here, but points one through three make for a fairly compelling case without additional evidence.


SOUND: EMAIL RECEIVED NOTIFICATION, KATE'S LINE IS UNDERCUT BY A BURST OF COMPLETE SONIC RIDICULOUSNESS - A T-REX ROAR, A CAMERA SHUTTER, A FLASHBULB POP.


KATE

VIRTUAL REALITY T REX SELFIE! Oh man, this museum is great. The next time I'm in Toronto we are totally coming here together.


ELLA

(A FOND LITTLE LAUGH/HUM/SIGH, WHICHEVER FEELS RIGHT)

Hm.


SOUND: A SINGLE KEYBOARD KEY BEING HIT A COUPLE TIMES AS ELLA PRESSES 'ENTER' A FEW TIMES TO MAKE SPACE BEFORE THE NEXT ENTRY.


ELLA, cont.

...Reasons why tonight might be a date. An argument in one point.


Sometimes she says things like that.


4. CUT TO THE FEELING


SOUND: ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE MEDIUM-BUSY STREETS. A CAR DRIVES PAST US.

WHITNEY

Is that her car?


KATE

...uh huh.


WHITNEY

Remember what we talked about. You're going to be great.


KATE

Uh huh.


WHITNEY

And if you text me I can have alcohol and ice cream delivered before you get home.


KATE

You're a really good friend.


WHITNEY

I know I am. Good luck, nerd.


KATE

...thanks.


(BEAT)

WHITNEY

You know, she's probably going to have to park at least three blocks from here.


KATE

Yeah?


WHITNEY

So you should go meet her.


KATE

OH.


Right. Right, okay. I'm going.


WHITNEY

(NOW A DISTANCE BEHIND US)

Have fun!


KATE

Yeah... that's a word.


(WE STEW IN THE TRAFFIC NOISES A BIT. KATE'S FOOTSTEPS START AND STOP WALK WALK WALK - "Hey..." AND PAUSE until "Tell YOU." THEN WALK WALK WALK THROUGH "FEELING IN YOUR CHEST." PAUSE FOR UNTIL "NOT THE FROG THING AND THEN JUST KEEP WALKING UNTIL "ELLA, HEY!" WHEN BOTH OF THEM JUST HANG OUT ON THE SIDEWALK AGAIN.)


KATE

Hey... I've got this thing I've been meaning to tell you--


Okay, you know how sometimes you get, like, a feeling in your chest that...


So, like, you know how if you put a frog in-- God, no. Not the frog.


I want you to know that I... God, um... how do people do this...

(BACK UP TO FULL VOLUME)

Ella, hey! How's it going?


ELLA

Hey, I'm good! Sorry, did I miss your friend?


KATE

Oh, no worries, you're gonna meet her tomorrow. She said she wanted to give us some--


Uh, yeah, I think she's going home to eat all our leftover pizza while my back is turned.


ELLA

Oh no! Was it good pizza?


KATE

Honestly? It was only okay. It's the principle of the thing you know.


ELLA

Right. I get it.


(A BEAT OF SILENCE, THEN BOTH AT ONCE)


ELLA

Did you have a good time at the--


KATE

You look nice.


ELLA

Sorry, what-- oh. Thank you.


KATE

Yeah, no problem. The lipstick is...


ELLA

Oh, that.


KATE

I don't think I've seen you wear it before? But it looks... good. Nice colour.


ELLA

I'm glad you... thank you.


You look good too.


KATE

Uh... yeah. Cool. I mean. It's the hoodie right? Nothing says fashion like a museum gift shop.


ELLA

No, I just meant -- in general. You look good.


KATE

Oh.


SOUND: ANOTHER CAR GOES BY

KATE,CONT

Um, hey. I really like you?


ELLA

...I like you too.


KATE

No, I don't mean it like that. I mean, I-- I do like you that way too, but--


ELLA

I don't mean it like that either.


KATE

I'm -- okay --


Wait, which like that did you mean? That's... God, sorry, that's not English... What did you say?


ELLA

I said I really like you. And I was hoping maybe tonight was a date?


KATE

I, uh--

(THE BIGGEST, GOOFIEST GRIN SPREADING OVER HER FACE)

Oh my God I was gonna do this -- I had a whole dramatic fanfic confession thing planned about how you're cute and smart and amazing and, and. And I didn't even let you pay for parking again.


ELLA

So, is that a yes, or...?


KATE

Yes, oh my God, this is absolutely a date.


ELLA

It's a date.


KATE

It's a date! Holy -- holy shit. Did you already know?


ELLA

I wanted it to be. But I was worried I was interpreting things the wrong way.


KATE

Nah, Garrett's a werewolf and... and I've had a big old crush on you. For a while.


ELLA

Were you really going to do a monologue about it?


KATE

I mean, like. I made some notes...?


ELLA

You could still do it.


KATE

By the parking meter?


ELLA

Why not! Maybe that's our thing now.


KATE

I, okay... I like how your brain works. How you always have something interesting to say. I've made so many posts that weren't even about anything, just hoping you'd talk to me.


ELLA

No matter what kind of day I'm having you can always make me laugh.


(SLOWLY, THE SOFT HARMONICS WE'VE HEARD BEHIND KATE'S NARRATION ALL SEASON CREEP UP BEHIND HER LINES)


KATE

You make me laugh. Or just, like, feel better, when everything's weird.


ELLA

I like the way you smile when you're really excited about something.


KATE

You make me smile.


This whole summer, you've been making me smile and it... I guess it kind of freaked me out. Because you're out here and I'm on the other side of the country. And I don't even know where anything in my life is going or what any of it's gonna look like, maybe ever, but--

But if I have a choice? I wanna go in whatever direction you're going. Because you are cute and smart and amazing and--


And I like you a lot, Ella. Like that.

(BEAT, HARMONICS DROP)

So yeah, that's -- that kind of what I was thinking I'd say.


ELLA

Kate, would it be okay if I kissed you now?


KATE

Yeah, it'd be really okay.


(NARRATION MODE UP)

NARRATOR KATE

Toronto still smelled like hot garbage. There was sweat sticking down my t-shirt and traffic everywhere, and I'm pretty sure at least a couple people at the taco place across the street were staring at us the whole time. I think you could tell that I couldn't figure out where to put my hands.


And all of that was fine. Because I still don't know a lot of things -- but when we kissed? I knew for sure it was only the first time.

I can't wait to see what comes next.


(FADE OUT INTO CREDITS)

5. POST CREDIT SCENE


(WE'RE IN A LARGE, ECHOING SPACE. LOTS OF CROWD NOISE)

VOLUTEER

Do you have your photo op ticket?


KATE

Oh yeah. Right here.


VOLUNTEER

Great, thanks. Go right on through.


SOUND: A COUPLE FOOTSTEPS.

KATE

H-hey there. I'm Kate.


TONY

Hey Kate. So how do you wanna do this?


KATE

Umm. Just, like, a regular photo?


TONY

Sure. One regular photo coming up.


VOLUNTEER

Mmkay, everybody ready? Smile on three -- one, two, three.


SOUND: FLASHBULB POP, SHUTTER WHIR.

VOLUNTEER, CONT.

Looks good. You can pick your print up at the main desk any time after two.


KATE

Great, thanks. Um, hey, before I go?


TONY

Yeah?


KATE

Thank you. For... for a lot of things.


Just, thanks.


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