• Andrea Klassen

2. "Werewolf Hypothesis" Transcript

1. MEET ELLA


(STANDARD NARRATOR BACKDROP - SOFT SYNTH NOTES FROM THE MAIN THEME FADE IN AND OUT)

NARRATOR KATE

It doesn't take that much to make a fandom friend. In real life, most of the people you meet -- who even knows what they're really like? The person you just passed on the street, who's riding the bus next to you, who makes your lunch, could be every bit as into bread baking or dancing or YouTube celebrities as you are, but how do you ever find out? Online, in fandom, you already know you all want to be there. It takes some of the pressure off.


Like, take Raygambit -- or, uh, I think she goes by Jennifer in real life. She mostly posts stuff about obscure superheroes. We're talking about the guys who maybe show up for one episode in kids' animated shows, and the whole joke is 'can you believe this was a real character in 1958 or whenever?'


In any universe where Selkirk didn't exist, we'd never get to know each other. I live in British Columbia, and I'm pretty sure she's in New Brunswick, which is basically on the other side of the country. Plus some of the stuff she posts makes me think she might have a kid?


But back when the show's first episode dropped, she was the only person who seemed to be able to find promo shots for the rest of the season. And after I started following her it turned out she knows, like, a crazy amount of stuff about faerie lore. And when the stupid coffee shop you work at earworms you by playing the same sad-dude folk singer every day all day for weeks, her music recommendations are pretty great. So these days if I see something online about some supervillain from the '70s with a teapot for a head, I send it her way.


It's little stuff, but it's cool stuff, you know? The people you'd never meet, never connect with, without--


(THE SOUND OF THE INTERNET BUBBLES UP, CUTTING HER OFF. IT'S LIKE A LARGE ROOM, WITH A VAGUE, WHISPERY SOUND OF OTHER PEOPLE COMING FROM EVERYWHERE)

SOUND: POSTING NOISE

COMPUTER VOICE

New post tagged "Selkirk." Posted Wednesday, May 27 by user hella--enchanted.


ELLA

So Selkirk fandom -- if you're out there -- who wants to read my 5,000 word essay "Garrett [Lastname]: Secret werewolf"?


SOUND: VERY INTENSE TYPING FADES INTO...

KATE

Uh, yes, please tell me all your theories immediately.


Also, hi, yes -- the fandom does exist! There are at least six of us. And we don't bite, promise!

We mostly tag posts with "Selkirk" or "Selkirk TV" or, uh, if you're me, "Who cursed Tony Vinchetti?" in all caps. Actually, I just did that one time, but the question stands.

Can't wait to read your essay!

SOUND:POST NOISE


ELLA

Since exactly one person asked for it, Secret Werewolf Theory, an argument in three points:


Point One, The Moon.

We've had at least one clear shot of the moon in every episode to date, from a full moon in the pilot, to the waxing moon we saw over the credits last night. The show is telling us this is important information.


Now think about the first time we meet Garrett. When Jody calls him for backup, we hear his cell phone ring over a shot of that big, yellow full moon before the camera pans down to our first look at the man himself -- in the bushes, covered in grime and smoking a joint. We learn a lot about Garrett's character in that moment, and I think the link between him and the moon is just as important a piece of information.


Point Two, Scent:

It may not take werewolf senses of scent to sniff out a kilo of faerie-enhanced marijuana stuffed in someone's backpack, but I think the writers were highlighting Garrett's enhanced sense of smell before the latest episode.


If you watch the pilot, it seems like he can smell the curse on Tony while he's still covered in blood -- which we are told drowned out the smell for Jody, who's trained to perceive things beyond the mundane, but hasn't shown any signs of being supernatural. Feel free to argue about this with me, but the face Garrett makes when he first meets Tony is the face my mom used to make when our dog would vomit on her bed.


Point Three, The Jawline:

Garrett goes from mountain man to clean shaven between episodes one and two, and is getting hairier every week as we get closer to -- you guessed it -- another full moon.

Admittedly, this one could be because the pilot was filmed well before the rest of the series, but I am staying suspicious.


(NARRATION MODE FADES UP)


NARRATOR KATE

Your bio was short: Ella. 22. She/her. "I shan't marry the prince" in quotation marks, like it was from something. That was it.

Yeah, of course I looked you up the second you made those first posts. When your entire fandom could fit in a mid-size car, you go heavy on recruitment.

Other than the Selkirk stuff there were a lot of posts about fantasy novels that I kind of remembered from high school -- and a bunch of pictures of manatees, all tagged "swim cows."


...I figured the two probably weren't related.


(INTERNET BACKDROP SWELLS AGAIN)


SOUND: TYPING FADE IN

KATE

Ok, I love all of this. But two questions:

One: Since we saw Garrett in human form during the full moon, doesn't that immediately disprove your theory?

Two: Are you gonna write fanfic of this, or do I have to?


SOUND: MOUSE CLICK, POST NOISE

(INTERNET BACKDROP FADES OUT TO...)



2.COFFEE SHOP


SOUND: IN RAPID SUCCESSION - COFFEE GRINDER, ESPRESSO MAKER, LIQUID INTO A CUP, ICE SHAKER, DRINK SLIDES ACROSS COUNTER.

KATE

I've got an iced latte half sweet for Phoebe? Phoebe?

(SHE LOOKS AROUND)

Hey, great! Enjoy your drink! No, you have a good day!


STUART

You're in a really good mood.


KATE

Thanks for making that sound super weird.


STUART

Dude, I was here when that guy yelled at you about caramel sauce for a straight minute.


KATE

Yeah?


STUART

And when Matt made you clean up that entire tray of mochas someone knocked on the floor?


KATE

They didn't get whipped cream on the ceiling this time. I think that's something to celebrate.


STUART

Who are you, and what did you do with Kate Cunningham?


KATE

Ha ha.


STUART

So... does that mean this is a good time to ask you for a favour...


SOUND: OUR STANDARD INTERNET POST NOISE, LOUD THROUGH KATE'S PHONE SPEAKER

STUART

(INTENSELY, UNDER BREATH)

Dude, you have your phone out here? You know Matt freaks out when--


KATE

(ALSO UNDER HER BREATH)

Shh, ssh, shit -- uh, cover for me for a sec?


STUART

Can I trade you my Saturday shift?


KATE

Wow, Stuart. Mercenary.


STUART

I'll take any other shift of yours you want.


KATE

Uh, next Tuesday, closing. I've got a TV show I want to watch.


STUART

You still watch live TV?


KATE

(STILL UNDER HER BREATH)

It's good for their ratings. Are we good...?


STUART

I'll say you had to get more decaf beans. That'll buy you five minutes.


SOUND: SWINGING DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE. FLORESCENT HUM OF THE BACK ROOM/FREEZER AREA

ELLA

To answer your questions in order, ACunningPlan:


One: I know there's no official confirmation on how werewolves work in Selkirk yet, but I'm assuming they can change forms at will until proven otherwise.


Two: Give me another week to finish a chapter. But in the meantime...

3.WEREWOLF? THEREWOLF!


(PODFIC TIME! CLASSIC NIGHTTIME IN PODCASTLAND BACKGROUND. A FIRE CRACKLES SOMEWHERE NEARBY, BUT NOT RIGHT WHERE THE CHARACTERS ARE - THE NEXT CLEARING OVER.)

ELLA

Garrett could feel his skin start to ripple as the bones underneath shifted, lengthening his face into a long, canine muzzle. The physical shift always reminded him of cracking his knuckles, down to the soft pop of air released from the joints. Not so unpleasant. The extra hair coming in was worse. New fur itched like hell.


SOUND: SHIFTING, JOINTS POPPING. FOLLOWED BY THUMPS AS...


His front paws hit the dirt with two gentle thumps as gravity re-centered itself for four legs, and the colour washed out of the world as a new wave of scents rushed in. The musky smell of the beast was still there, under layers of campfire smoke and squirrel and the bright, sour smell of fear sweat coming off a man who had backed away into a nearby tree.


TONY

Garrett?


ELLA

Tony's voice was high and strained. Another dose of fear wafted off of him, lighting up in Garrett's brain like heat on an infra-red map.


GARRETT

Uh... surprise?


SOUND: LEAVES CRACKLE AND STICKS BREAK AS SOMEONE DROPS TO THE GROUND, HEAVILY.

ELLA

Tony's knees went out from under him.


GARRETT

Don't freak out.


ELLA

Garrett tried instead, as though either of them were capable of rewinding time to make that happen.


From somewhere that was still too close for comfort another roar went up, echoing across the valley. And a new scent pressed up through the mist fear: blood, freshly spilled.


SOUND: A DISTANT ROAR UNDER HER WORDS. IT GOES ON A LONG TIME AND DOES NOT SOUND PRECISELY LIKE ANY NORMAL ANIMAL.

GARRETT

Um, ah, maybe just stay here.


ELLA

He took off running. Tony didn't follow.


SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH THROUGH FOREST UNDERBRUSH UNDERNEATH THE ABOVE LINE.

(PODFIC FADES OUT, REAL WORLD SNAPS BACK IN)

SOUND: DOOR SWINGS OPEN, BRINGING BACK OUR FLUORESCENT HUM

STUART

(SLIGHTLY 'OFF SCREEN')

Hey Kate, you coming?


KATE

One second!


SOUND: CHIME OF A 'LIKED' SOUND


COMPUTER VOICE

Post liked by user: ACunningPlan

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS DEPART, THE DOOR CLOSES.


© 2019 by Alex Yun