• Andrea Klassen

5. "Everything's Cool" Transcript

1. COFFEE SHOP


(PICKING UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF. LITERALLY.)


SOUND: DOOR OPENS WITH A LITTLE DING OF A BELL SOMEWHERE, OUR STANDARD COFFEE SHOP FX OTHERWISE.

STUART

(CALLED ACROSS THE COUNTER)

Hey Kate, are you watching Selkirk?


KATE

What?


STUART

(NOW IN NORMAL RANGE)

It's Selkirk, right? That TV show you're obsessed with.


KATE

Obsessed is a strong word.


...why, what do you want to know?


STUART

I caught most of an episode last night. Turns out my mom's been recording it for weeks. So it's... good, huh?


KATE

I mean, yeah. I like it. Did--

(PLAY IT COOL, CUNNINGHAM)

Did you like what you saw?


STUART

Yeah, it seems cool. Do you know what that gremlin thing running around during the memory extraction stuff was supposed to be, though? Cause nobody at my place had any idea.


KATE

(NO,I SAID PLAY IT COOL-- OH, NEVER MIND)

I gotta go clock in, but then, uh, just how deep on theories do you want to get?


STUART

(HAS NO IDEA)

How deep can we go?


KATE

I'll be right back.


(NARRATION AMBIANCE -- A SOFT UNDERLAY OF MUSICAL NOTES -- KICKS IN, DISPLACING THE COFFEE SHOP)

NARRATOR KATE

I know you think you know what happened after that, but I want it on the record -- I kept it very cool.


STUART

So your friend's been keeping track of the phases of the moon in every episode?


NARRATOR KATE

--and the Garrett is a Secret Werewolf Theory happens to be very cool.


(BACK TO NORMAL COFFEE SHOP BACKDROP)

KATE

I mean, she's not keeping track that closely -- she doesn't have a chart or anything. It's just something she noticed.


STUART

No, it's cool. I wouldn't have caught that on my own.


KATE

Yeah, I mean -- you'd have to actually watch more than one episode first. Which you should. I think you'd really like it.


STUART

Don't tell me if the werewolf thing is true before I catch up, okay? I hate spoilers.


KATE

You just got me to tell you half the plot of, like, five episodes.


STUART

(SHRUG)

Yeah?


KATE

Dude.


STUART

Hey, now I'm invested.


KATE

Right -- yeah, uh--


CUSTOMER

(CLEARS THROAT)

Sorry, is that my drink?


KATE

Oh shi-- I mean -- sorry, sorry, yes -- oh my gosh, so sorry-- Here you go...


SOUND: A CUP PUSHED ACROSS A COUNTER


2. OOPS


(NARRATION BACKGROUND FADES UP)


NARRATOR KATE

By the time we'd made it past the mid-morning rush, the lunch rush and the post-lunch energy crash rush and it was finally my turn for a break, I'd forgotten about the post I'd made that morning. That's the thing about vent posts -- why they work -- you make them, you feel all the things, you delete them, and they're gone. Brain exorcism accomplished.

Only, I'd forgotten to delete this one for like five hours... which I realized when I opened my phone and the mobile app I'd been fighting finally reloaded, with seven new notes and a notification someone had tagged me in a post.


SOUND: NEW POST NOISE


(INTERNET BACKDROP GO: EVERYONE'S VOICES HAVE A BIT OF ECHO, AND WE'RE ONCE AGAIN IN THAT CAVERNOUS, CHATTERING SPACE)

ELLA I was going to try to get this up on the weekend, but I had enough time to take a real lunch break today and one of my favourite Selkirk fandom people, ACunningPlan, seems like they could use a pick-me-up. Hope this makes you smile.


On The Rise, chapter 2...


(NARRATION BACKGROUND FADES UP)

NARRATOR KATE

You know that feeling when your stomach just drops out of your body and all the colour drains out of the universe for a couple of seconds? Yeah, that.


A few other people had liked my post. One person replied with a sad face, and one of the new fans I didn't really know yet replied with "same." That felt like something I should check up on later -- but only after I'd finally hit delete, and decided that crawling into a floor drain to live in the underground forever wasn't gonna be a good plan. There's a lot of rotting milk down there. Just a lot.


So, Plan B!


(INTERNET BACKDROP RETURNS FOR GOOD UNTIL THE END OF THE SCENE)


COMPUTER VOICE

New text post on Wednesday, June 3


SOUND: NEW POST NOISE

KATE

(THE BIGGEST, FAKEST SMILE)

Guys! Big news!


One of my co-workers started watching Selkirk! Yes, they're on team secret werewolf now. Please be impressed by my outreach efforts.


Also: If that co-worker came to a closing shift last week with huge pupils, it's not making too many assumptions to ask their thoughts on the whole magical fae pot thing, right hahahaha?


Gotta get those answers somehow.


COMPUTER VOICE

New private message to user hella-enchanted


SOUND: PRIVATE MESSAGE SENT NOISE

KATE

Hey Ella, my break today is super short so I didn't get a chance to read the new chapter yet, but I am SO READY for how much Tony is gonna FREAK OUT about Garrett being a werewolf. Sorry not sorry for how many all caps reactions I'm going to send you once I get out of here for the day. Seriously, thank you so much.


And... hey, don't worry about that post earlier? It was just a vent thing, it wasn't even supposed to stay up that long. It's actually a pretty okay day over here. I did't even shoot coffee grounds anywhere weird this time.


(AWKWARD PAUSE)

Um, hope you're having a good day too? A real lunch break sounds like it's got to be a good start.


(ANOTHER AWKWARD PAUSE)

Anyway, can't wait to read the fic! Enjoy your quiet inbox while you can.

-Kate


SOUND: MESSAGE RECEIVED SOUND

Ella

I'm glad you're feeling better. Consider the fic a bonus and I'll look forward to you blowing up my inbox whenever you're ready. It's payback, honestly, because if I didn't think there might be a keylogger on my work computer, I'd have sent you at least as many anguished messages about Garrett and Tony talking over the curse-slash-their feelings. Which you have to write, because I do not have time and I need it in my life. It would be so sad and so good, Kate. Please.


SOUND: SENT SOUND

KATE

Hey. Home now. So, how ridiculous is it if I made popcorn before starting this chapter?


SOUND: RECEIVED SOUND


ELLA

One: Popcorn is objectively delicious. Excellent decision, not ridiculous.

Two: I really want popcorn now. Why is it almost 10 p.m. here?


SOUND: SENT SOUND


KATE

Ella, never let things like bedtime and reasonable hours stand in the way of snacks. Also oh my God, I'm only two paragraphs into this and I'm already SO CONCERNED for Garrett. You monster. My mom is so going to come in here and ask me why I'm shouting at the computer again.


SOUND: RECEIVED SOUND


ELLA

Oh good, my plan is working. By the way, you're a really bad influence. At least when I am falling asleep tomorrow at my keyboard I'll have the memory of how good this popcorn tasted to comfort me.


SOUND: SENT SOUND

KATE

ELLA YOU ARE UNDER ARREST. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go.


What do you do for work anyway? I feel like I rant about coffee hell all the time, but I've never heard anything about your job.


SOUND: RECEIVED SOUND

ELLA

Are you at that part already? You read fast.


I only started this job a month ago, so I can't complain about it yet. I write help manuals for people who want to control their lightbulbs or their coffee pot from their phone but can't get it to work. It's a lot of finding different ways to say 'have you tried turning your phone and/or your device off and on again?' But the next time my dad buys something like this, I'll know how to help him set it up.


SOUND: SENT SOUND


KATE

Wow, so you're like... actually a real adult job-haver, huh? How is that?


SOUND: RECEIVED SOUND


ELLA

Temporary, in my case. I'm saving up to go back for grad school.


How's your popcorn?


SOUND: SENT SOUND

KATE

(LAUGHING)

Oh shit, the popcorn is gone and I don't remember eating any of it. Ella, your fic's too good. You owe me popcorn.


SOUND: RECEIVED SOUND

ELLA

As soon as I figure out how to send popcorn through wifi, it's all yours.


On that note, sorry to cut this short but I really should get some sleep. I'll talk to you later. Let me know what you think of the end of the chapter!


SOUND: SENT SOUND

KATE

Ella you can't end that chapter there.


SOUND: SENT SOUND

KATE

ELLA.


SOUND: SENT SOUND

KATE

Ella how dare you.


SOUND: SENT SOUND KATE

Okay, fine, I am writing that Tony and Garrett conversation, because there needs to be payback for this. YOU MUST SUFFER AS I AM SUFFERING.


SOUND: SENT SOUND

KATE

Seriously, thank you so much. Sleep tight.


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