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Me and AU bonus ep: "Welcome to Selkirk"

1. YOUR BIG DAY


(INT. A LARGE GROCERY STORE, JUST AFTER HOURS. FLORESCENT LIGHT HUM AND LIGHT MUZAK)


SOUND: A INTERCOM CRACKLES TO LIFE, CUTTING THE MUZAK


INTERCOM

Attention all shoppers. Ferarro's Family Foods is now closed for the night. We'll reopen at 7 a.m. tomorrow morning. Please exit with your purchases through the main doors. Thank you and goodnight.


SOUND: INTERCOM FUZZES OFF, MUZAK RESUMES


ALIX

You heading out, Vinchetti?


TONY Yeah. Just gonna drop the garbage on my way.


ALIX

Thanks man.

Hey, a few of us are gonna get drinks later. You should come out for once.


TONY

Nah, I'm good.


ALIX

Big plans already?


TONY

Or something.


SOUND: SEVERAL FULL GARBAGE BAGS HEFTED. SHIFTING PLASTIC. A HEAVY METAL DOOR STARTS TO OPEN. RAPID LIGHT FOOTSTEPS APPROACH.

TONY Have a good-


ALIX

Wait. Nice try buddy.


SOUND: THE DOOR SHUTS


TONY

What?


ALIX

Where's the cake?


TONY

...come on.


ALIX

You know the rules. Your day, your leftovers.

You want me to help carry it out to your car?


TONY

No, it's fine. I've got it.


SOUND: GARBAGE BAGS SET DOWN. WE RETREAT FROM ALIX


ALIX

You sure?


TONY

Mmhm. See you tomorrow.


ALIX

Hey...


TONY

(STARTING TO GET IRRITATED)

What?


ALIX

Happy birthday.


(SMASH CUT TO AN ALLEYWAY. NIGHTTIME IN A SMALL RURAL TOWN. FAINT, LOW-VOLUME TRAFFIC. TRAIN SOUNDS. VERY SLIGHT NIGHT NATURE.)


SOUND: THE HEAVY METAL DOOR SLAMS OPEN. THERE IS MUCH RUSTLING AND FUMBLING AND SOME CURSING, ETC. AS WE LISTEN TO TONY STRUGGLE TO HAUL TOO MANY THINGS.


TONY

Come on just... fucking... go through...


SOUND: DOOR SLAMS. SEVERAL TRASH BAGS ARE DROPPED IN A HEAP ON THE GRAVEL-COVERED GROUND. TONY LETS OUT A SMALL NOISE OF TRIUMPH, SOMEWHAT OUT OF BREATH.


TONY

Hah!


SOUND: THE DUMPSTER LID OPENS. BAGS ARE TOSSED IN. THE LID SLAMS SHUT AGAIN. AFTER A MOMENT, WE HEAR TONY DIG THROUGH HIS POCKET, FISH A CIGARETTE OUT OF A PACK. FLICK OF A LIGHTER. INHALE. EXHALE.


TONY

(TO HIMSELF, SELF-DEPRECATING)

Yeah... happy birthday to me.


SOUND: SOMEWHERE IN THE DISTANCE, THERE IS A NOISE OF GRAVEL MOVING AND A FIZZLING STREETLIGHT


TONY

...Alix, is that you?


SOUND: WE HEAR THE NOISE AGAIN, A LITTLE LOUDER. AND THEN SOMETHING ELSE -- A STRANGE, METALLIC NOISE, LIKE THE RUSHING OF A TRAIN CAR THROUGH A TUNNEL, STILL SOME WAYS OFF.


TONY

Hello?

What in the...


SOUND: THE NEW NOISE GETS LOUDER. LOUDER. LOUDEST. THEN-


2. CHECK IN TIME


(A FOREST. WE CAN HEAR MORE OF THE NIGHT NATURE THAT WAS FAINT IN THE PREVIOUS SCENE. LEAVES AND BRANCHES RUSTLE, FAINT INSECT SOUNDS. ThE AMBIANCE IS CUT A MOMENT LATER BY-)


SOUND: A PHONE RINGS. RINGS. RINGS.


GARRETT

Hey, leave a message.


SOUND: BEEP


JODI

(SLIGHTLY CANNED SOUNDING)

Check ins every hour, Garrett? Remember when you agreed to that two days ago? Pick up your phone.


SOUND: A LITTLE BIT OF A CLICK AS SHE HANGS UP


(ANOTHER LONG BEAT OF NATURE)


SOUND: A WOLF HOWLS


(NATURE FADES DOWN, THE STREETSCAPE FROM THE END OF SCENE ONE FADES UP, NOW A BIT LOUDER THAN BEFORE. AN OCCASSIONAL CAR PASSES.)


SOUND: A PHONE RINGS. RINGS. RINGS, BUT NOW IT'S THE SOUND OF AN OUTGOING CALL. WHERE JODI SOUNDED CANNED, NOW IT'S GARRETT.


GARRETT

Hey leave a message.


SOUND: FAST FOOTSTEPS OF SOMEONE IN BOOTS. JODI IS POWERWALKING OUT HER ANNOYANCE.


JODI

Garrett, you have until I get back to the office and turn on the satellite tracker to return this call. If you haven't checked in by then, I'm making you responsible for all the paperwork this is going to generate.

(BEAT)

Unless you're already dead.

(BEAT)

If you're not dead, I got us California rolls from the grocery store. And don't think I won't eat yours if you make me activate search and rescue protocols for no--


SOUND: A STREETLIGHT FLICKERS OVERHEAD, LOUD ENOUGH IN THE MIX TO DROWN HER OUT.


JODI

(DISRTACTED)

...for no... reason...


SOUND: FROM NEARBY, NO MORE THAN A HALF BLOCK AWAY, WE HEAR SMASHING METAL AND A SCREAM OF SURPRISE AND PAIN. IT'S TONY.


JODI

I'll call you back.


SOUND: PHONE BEEPS OFF. FOOTSTEPS START RUNNING. WE HEAR THEM MOVE FROM CONCRETE TO CRUNCHING OVER GRAVEL. CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH-- THEN SKID TO A HALT.

TONY

(WEAK GROAN)

SOUND: AT THE OTHER END OF THE ALLEY WE HEAR OUR MONSTER FOR THE FIRST TIME. THERE IS A NOISE LIKE JAGGED METAL TEARING, DISTORTED INTO AN ALMOST ANIMAL,CHITTERING SOUND.


JODI

Step away from the body and put your hands in the air.


SOUND: A COUPLE NYLON STRAPS QUICKLY LOOSENED, A LIGHT WEAPON PULLED FREE AND COCKED.

JODI, CONT.

Do it, now.


SOUND: A COUPLE CAUTIOUS STEPS FORWARD ON GRAVEl. AT THE OTHER END OF THE ALLEY THE CHITTERING THING LETS OUT A FINAL TRAIN SCREECH LIKE WE HEAR BEFORE AND SKITTERS AWAY FROM US. IT'S LIGHT ON ITS... FEET?


JODI, CONT.

Damn it!


SOUND: JODI TAKES OFF DOWN THE ALLEY, FOOTSTEPS CRUNCHING OVER GRAVEL. THE THING IS MOVING TOO, BUT ALREADY FAR AWAY. We RUN ABOUT 10 STEPS THEN, AS CHASE CONTINUES UNDERNEATH - A BUTTON PRESSED ON A PHONE, A NUMBER DIALS AND STARTS TO RING, BEFORE CONNECTING.


GARRETT

(OVER THE PHONE)

Jodi, hey! Sorry, I was just gonna-- [call you]


JODI

There's been another attack. I'm in the laneway off Maple and Baker, behind Ferraro's, pursing a suspect.


GARRETT

Wait, you've got eyes on--


JODI

Get here now.


SOUND: THE PHONE CLICKS BACK OFF.

JODI

(BREATHING LABOURED)

...come on... keep up...


SOUND: WE LEAVE THE ALLEY FOR PAVEMENT AGAIN. WE'RE CROSSING THE STREET, HEADED FOR THE ALLEY MOUTH BEYOND. A CAR SCREECHES TO A HALT ANDLAYS ON THE HORN. THE FOOTSTEPS COME TO A STOP.

JODI

Oh!


DRIVER

(AT ALMOST THE SAME TIME) Watch where you're going!


JODI

Sorry!


SOUND: WE HEAR A COUPLE SLOW STEEPS FORWARD AS JODI PANTS.


JODI

(TO HERSELF, WINDED AND SHAKEN.)

I almost had it.


3. ITS TIME FOR THE DREAM BALLET


TONY

I don't have to tell you my hometown's weird. Point to any town with less than 10,000 people anywhere in North America and you're gonna hit weird. That's nothing special.


What Selkirk's got that those other towns don't are the mountains. The Nelson Range to the south, the Kokanees to the west, the Purcells curving around the north and east. LOok up from anywhere in town and there's nothing to see but 3,500 metres of solid rock in any direction.


Once you're here there's not a single way in or out that doesn't still have snow in July and August. Mother nature couldn't have walled us off much better if she'd tried.


So you might drive through one of those other weird little towns on the way to something better. But no one comes to Selkirk by accident.


No. You only to a place like this when you're running from something.


At first, it was your religious types. People who thought the middle of nowhere would be more welcoming than whatever part of Europe they were trying to get out of. Then in the 60s and 70s it was Americans, looking to hide from the draft. These days, it's mostly rich city people trying to get away from commutes and condos and having to see a homeless person once in a while.


At least... that's how it looked to me, most of my life.

Turns out, I could have looked a little harder.


4. HE'S ALIVE


(WE'RE BACK IN THE ALLEWAY. LIGHT TRAFFIC FROM THE STREET, GRAVEL UNDERFOOT.)


SOUND: A FEW FOOTSTEPS APPROACH


GARRETT

Jodi, over here. Did you--?


JODI

Nothing. Same as always. I didn't even get close enough for a good look.


GARRETT

Did you get anything? Height, colouring?


JODI

It might be human sized. So that means nothing. You look at the body yet?


GARRETT

No. I was -- ah -- I guess I was hoping maybe you scared it off before it could...


JODI

No, couldn't even do that.


GARRETT

You recognize this one?


JODI

I didn't look.

I didn't even think to check and see if they were still-- maybe I could have done something. But that thing was right there...


GARRETT

You had a split second to make a choice and... we know what this thing does to its victims. No one's gonna blame you.


JODI

(NO COMFORT WE DIE LIKE MEN)

Sure.

We should call the police.


GARRETT

You got your phone? Mine's at 2 per cent.


JODI

Yeah. I'll do the honours.


SOUND: A PHONE UNLOCKS, DIALING. AT THE SAME TIME SOME FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH INTO THE ALLEY, ABOUT FOUR STEPS, THEN PAUSE.


GARRETT

(SNIFFING THE AIR)

That's weird.


JODI

What?


GARRETT

Do you smell that?


JODI

The blood?

(HER CALL CONNECTS)

Hello, yes, I'm calling to report a dead body. Yes, this is Jodi. Yes, you can transfer me.


SOUND:FOOTSTEPS START UP AGAIN, JODI STARTS TO FADE OUT AT THE END OF HER LAST LINE.


GARRETT

(A SOFT SNIFF THEN, TO HIMSELF)

What is up with you, buddy?


SOUND: FOOTSTEPS COME TO A STOP AND GARRETT ATTEMPTS TO GRAPPLE TONY ONTO HIS BACK. MUCH RUSTLING AND ROCKS MOVING.


GARRETT, CONT.

Why don't we take a -- look and see if--

Hoooo man.

Jodi? Might want to get over here.


JODI

What?


TONY

(BIG DRAMATIC)

G A S P


GARRETT

He's alive.


5. "HEADQUARTERS"


SOUND: A HEAVY-ISH DOOR CREAKS OPEN.


(INT. A BAR, SLIGHTLY DIVEY. GENERIC ROCK ON THE RADIO SOMEWHERE, GLASSES CLINK, THE FLOOR IS MAYBE A BIT CREAKY.)


SOUND: TONY IS BEING DRAGGED MORE THAN WALKED THROUGH THE DOORS.


GARRETT

Hey Claire. Anyone in the back booth?


CLAIRE

Jesus, what happened to him?


JODI

He tripped.


CLAIRE

Through a window?


JODI

(VERBAL EQUIVALENT OF A SHRUG)


CLAIRE

...yeah, the back booth's open.


GARRETT

Great. We'll take three shots of whiskey when you've got a second. And, uh, do you have a towel? A wet towel?


CLAIRE

(TOO USED TO THIS)

I'll see what I can do.


SOUND: TONY IS DRAGGED ACROSS THE BAR'S RELATIVELY SMALL INTERIOR AND EASED INTO A BOOTH. A SQUEAK OF OLD VINYL.


GARRETT

Okay buddy, there you go... just bend your knees.


TONY

(GROANS)


GARRETT

Yeah, kinda like that.

(TO JODI)

So, what are we going to do--


SOUND: JODI SMACKS TONY ON THE CHEEK A COUPLE TIMES IN QUICK SUCCESSION


JODI

Hey. Wake up. Time to talk.


GARRETT

Okay, we're doing that...


TONY

...where am I?


GARRETT

The Royal. Out by the bridge.


TONY

What?


GARRETT

The manager doesn't ask a lot of questions.


TONY

Did we... did we drive here?


JODI

We weren't going to carry you.

What's your name?


TONY

To-- wait, you kidnapped me and you don't know my--


SOUND: A TRAY THUNKS DOWN TO A WOODEN TABLE TOP


CLAIRE

Three shots of whiskey and a wet towel. Wipe the blood off my seats when you're done this time.


GARRETT

You're the best, Claire.


CLAIRE

Uh huh.


SOUND: FOOTSTEPS RETREAT AS SHE LEAVES


TONY

Why did she say that about the blood--


JODI

Look down.


TONY

What the fuck.


GARRETT

Towel?


TONY

(PATTING HIS NECK AND CHEST DOWN, LOOKING FOR INJURIES AND RAPIDLY BECOMING ALARMED/CONFUSED AS HE FINDS NONE)

Whose blood is this?


GARRETT

(SOOTHINGLY)

Yours. Probably.


TONY

What the fuck.


GARRETT

Take the towel.


TONY

...yeah, thanks.


SOUND: WET... TOWEL... FOLEY...


JODI

Do you not remember your attacker?


TONY

My what?


JODI

Because if it were me and someone tore my throat open, I think I'd remember.


TONY

Hold on--


GARRETT

(AT THE SAME TIME)

Wait.

Okay, do you smell that now? Kinda blue-black, and hazy on the back note?


TONY

Okay, I don't know what's happening here, but--


JODI

Shut up.

(A COUPLE DEEP INHALES)

Oh, that's interesting.


GARRETT

Isn't it?


JODI

Did you smell anything like this on the other bodies?


TONY

Bodies?


GARRETT

No. And I don't think I'd have missed that. I mean, probably not, right?


JODI

Depends. Did you have any of those special gummies before looking them over?


GARRETT

Hey, that was one edible. I was fine to drive back to town--


TONY

HEY. LISTEN TO ME.

(BEAT OF SILENCE)

What is going on here?


GARRETT

You... might want your drink first.


SOUND: GLASSES RATTLE ON THE TABLE A LITTLE AS ONE IS PICKED UP.


TONY

Sure.

Cheers.


SOUND: BOTTOMS UP. GLASS SET BACK DOWN ON TABLE WITH SOME FORCE.


(BEAT OF SILENCE. IMAGINE JODI AND GARRETT EXCHANGING A 'NO YOU GO FIRST' LOOK)


GARRETT

So... tonight...


JODI

We found you on the ground behind the grocery store. Something had attacked you.


TONY

Something?


JODI

Do you remember a person?


TONY

I... it was dark...


JODI

What do you remember seeing? Or hearing? Any details at all.


SOUND: AS TONY SPEAKS WE ARE STILL IN THE BAR, BUT WE ONCE AGAIN HEAR THE WAIL OF THE CREATURE IN THE MIX AS WELL


TONY

(SLOWLY, THE MEMORIES ARE DEFINITELY STILL HAZY)

The lights started flickering. And... there was this noise. Like a... whistling noise, or something?


JODI

And then what?


TONY

I woke up and you guys were staring at me. And then I think I blacked out again?


SOUND: THE NOISE FADES OUT.


JODI

That's it?


TONY

Sorry.


GARRETT

Do you have any enemies who might have wanted to kill you?


TONY

Any... enemies.


JODI

Or anyone else with supernatural means.


TONY

Can we start over?


GARRETT

What about whoever cursed you? Could they have--


TONY

(THIS HITS DIFFERENT)

How do you know about that?


GARRETT

No offense dude but I don't think there's an Extra in Selkirk who can't smell it on you.


TONY

I... smell?


JODI

He's had it long enough to go nose blind. Interesting.


GARRETT

You don't need to be embarrassed. It's not like you're the only curse in town. I don't know if you've been into the bookstore on Baker Street, but, whoo.


JODI

It took me three visits to realize they didn't sell incense.


GARRETT

Seriously, most people are too polite to say anything.


TONY

You said something.


GARRETT

We're conducting an investigation. And, I'm sorry.


JODI

Is it possible the person who cursed you was involved in the attack?


TONY

I -- No.


JODI

Why not?


TONY

Too early.


GARRETT

What does that mean?


TONY

...are either of you going to drink those?


JODI

Go ahead.


SOUND: GLASS PICKED UP, DRUNK. SET DOWN.


TONY

You said other people have been attacked. How many?


JODI

There were three attacks before tonight.


TONY

No. Nuh uh. You're telling me three people got mauled by something in Selkirk and I haven't heard anything. That doesn't happen.


JODI

Actually, one victim was fae.


(LOOONG BEAT OF SILENCE)


TONY

Is this -- okay. Okay. This is a joke, right? Someone hired you. One of the guys at work, or something?


GARRETT

Jodi. I don't think he knows.


TONY

There's a back room here. Right? A bunch of guys and another cake?


JODI

Dammit, you're supposed to be keeping track of the locals.


GARRETT

He healed a severed artery! That should mean Extra.


TONY

(NOW SHOUTING TO THE ROOM AT LARGE)

Okay guys, very funny. If you're gonna sing happy birthday, you've got five minutes before I call a cab.


CLAIRE

Hey, keep it down back there!


JODI

Maybe you should have my drink too.


SOUND: A GLASS SHOVED ACROSS THE TABLE.


TONY

Sure, why not.


SOUND: ANOTHER SHOT. RUSTLING AND VINYL SQUEAKING AS TONY TRIES TO STAND UP.


TONY, CONT.

Anyway, you seem great. This was fun. But I'm gonna--

Oh.

...nope.


SOUND: A BODY HITS THE FLOOR. TONY GROANS.


GARRETT

What did you do to him?


JODI

I didn't do anything. He lost a lot of blood and drank three shots of whiskey.


GARRETT

Tony? Do you want me to help you back to your seat?


TONY

...uh huh.


SOUND: SOUND, ONCE AGAIN, OF SOMEONE BEING DEPOSITED IN A CREAKY VINYL BOOTH.


JODI

So. Monsters are real. Magic is real. Fairies are real. Does that cover it all?


GARRETT

Uh... dryads and nature spirits aren’t fae or monsters.


JODI

We’re going to confuse him if we get into taxonomy.


GARRETT

We mostly call anything sentient an Extra anyway.


TONY

(Groans)

Extra.


GARRETT

Like extramundane?


TONY

(ANOTHER GROAN)


JODI

What attacked you tonight was either an Extra or a monster. We need to figure out which.


TONY

So you guys are... cops? Extra cops?


GARRETT

Uhhhh...


JODI

Ahhhh...


GARRETT

More like... park rangers?


JODI

We keep the non-sentient monsters from rooting through the garbage cans, and the people who don't know what's really going on from seeing things that wouldn't make them happy.


TONY

(STILL MOSTLY DISBELIEVEING)

Right.

Hey, these other... Extras or whatever. That got attacked -- what happened to them?


GARRETT

Oh. Uh. They all...


JODI

They died. You're our only witness.


GARRETT

Do you want another drink?


6. THE NEXT DAY


(Dream space! The way Selkirk was Hyperreal to Me and AU, this should feel much less natural)


SOUND: WE HEAR TONY BREATHING HARD AND SCARED. FOR A FEW SECONDS WE HANG WITH ONLY THAT. NO BACKGROUND. SUDDENLY, A STREETLIGHT FLICKERS. BEST OF SILENCE, THEN ANOTHER FLICKER BUT THIS ONE SEEMS TO JUST BE CONTINUOUS, LOOPING ON ITSELF. THIS CAN GET PRETTY DISTORTED. SOMETHING SKITTERS OVER GRAVEL, ONCE IN THE WAY WE HEARD IT AT THE START OF THE CHASE SCENE, THEN MULTIPLIED, AS THOUGH THERE ARE MULTIPLE SKITTERING CREATURES AT ONCE. THEN, SWELLING UP TO A SUPER FAST CRESCENDO IS THE SHRIEKING SOUND OF THE MONSTER ITSELF.


DREAM TONY

(A SCREAM OF SURPRISE AND PAIN - THE SAME ONE JODI HEARS IN SCENE 2. ITLAYERS OVER/BLENDS INTO...)


TONY

(STARTING AWAKE)

Aaah!


(WE'RE IN A TRUCK, DRIVING DOWN A RELATIVELY SMOOTH HIGHWAY.)


GARRETT

Tony? You okay?


TONY

(TO HIMSELF)

...just... just a dream.

Just a dream.

(A LITTLE LOUDER, TO THE TRUCK AT LARGE)

I'm fine.


JODI

It's good you finally woke up. We're almost there.


TONY

Where's... there again?


GARRETT

Man, that hangover's still getting to you, huh?


TONY

Yeah. Something like that.


JODI

We're on the back side of Elephant mountain.


TONY

How long was I out?


GARRETT

Pretty much the whole drive up. Hey, do you need some water or something? You're still looking pretty pale.


TONY

I'm fine.

Can I smoke in here?


JODI

Wait until we're finished. The smell might scare them off.


TONY

Them?


SOUND: SIGNAL LIGHT TURNS ON AND DOES THAT LIL' CLICK-CLICK, CLICK-CLICK. WE TURN ON TO A DIRT OR GRAVEL ROAD.


GARRETT

Hold on. It might get bumpy for a couple of minutes.


SOUND: A COULPE OF GOOD, STRONG, BUMPY/JOLTY NOISES AS THE TRUCK GOES OVER A POTHOLE OR A LARGE ROCK.


TONY

Oh god... Remind me why we had to do this today?


JODI

Do you know why most people don't believe in magic, Tony?


TONY

Because it sounds insane?


JODI

Mm.

How old were you when your parents told you they were the ones leaving presents out for you at Christmas.


TONY

Seven. My dad had just -- No, forget that. Santa Claus? That's your argument?


JODI

It's part of the bigger message. Magic doesn't exist. Monsters don't exist. It's all fairy stories. Whatever you might imagine, whatever you might wish for, none of it is real.

Garrett, can you pull over here?


SOUND: THE CAR SLOWS TO A STOP AND THE ENGINE IS TURNED OFF. THE FRONT TWO DOORS OPEN. CRUNCH OF GRAVEL UNDERFOOT.


TONY

You did not say there would be exercise.


GARRETT

Don't worry, it's a short hike.


JODI

(ALREADY HEADING OFF)

Come on, this way.


SOUND: FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH GRAVEL A MOMENT LONGER, THEN WE'RE IN THE WOODS. LEAVES, FAINT BIRDSONG, AND RUNNING WATER - SOMEWHERE SLIGHTLY FAR OFF BUT DRAWING NEARER.


JODI, CONT.

When you believe in something it changes you. But the opposite is true too.

Tony, you've known that magic isn't real your whole life. All your friends and family know it. Most of the strangers you pass on the street know it.

And once you know something deep down, know it so well you don't even have to think about it -- then it's not just that magic doesn't exist. Magic can't exist. Because magic isn't real.


TONY

That's it? Just... denial?


JODI

You see what you need to see in order for the world to keep working in ways you understand. And until we fix that, you're not going to be able to help us the way we need you to. Not if we want to stop these attacks.

Now, hold still. Listen.


SOUND: THE RUNNING WATER IS GETTING LOUDER. THROUGH THE TREES WE HEAR A NEW SOUND SORT OF LIKE A HEAVY INSECT WINGBEAT, BUT SPARKLIER. THERE ARE SEVERAL OF THEM, FLITTING AROUND AHEAD OF US.


TONY

What's that sound?


GARRETT

They're in the elderberry shrubs, by the river. We're lucky it's a cold spring. Usually they aren't still eating this late in the day.


TONY

Where are you-- I don't see...


GARRETT

Right there. Just by that leaf.


SOUND: A SOFT, HIGH PITCHED TRILL OF LAUGHTER, AS ONE ZOOMS BY AS CLOSE AS WE'VE HEARD THEM.


TONY

What... what are they...?


JODI

They are magic.


GARRETT

Pixies, actually. Cool, hey?


(LONG BEAT)



TONY

Oh my God.


GARRETT

Yeah. Welcome to Selkirk, dude.


7. SOMEWHERE ELSE


(NIGHTTIME IN NATURE.)


SOUND: FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH THROUGH LEAVES. AFTER A MOMENT WE HEAR A BLEEP FROM A HANDHELD RADIO.


PRIMROSE

(THROUGH THE RADIO)

Hi, Parsley. This is Primrose for your fifteen minute check in. How's everything going out there? Over.


SOUND: A BUTTON PRESSED, ANOTHER SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT BLOOP AND A TINY LITTLE CRACKLE OF STATIC AS THE MIC TURNS ON.


PARSLEY

Mm, nothing out here except some owls.


SOUND: FIRST BLEEP AGAIN.


PRIMROSE

...Parsley. It's like you don't even come to the safety meetings.


SOUND: BUTTON. SECOND BLOOP. STATIC.


PARSLEY

Oh! Hey! You did not say 'over' either!

...over.


SOUND: BLEEP.


PRIMROSE

Parsley, you have to give me your detailed location. It's the Queen's orders. Over.


SOUND: BUTTON. BLOOP. STATIC.


PARSLEY

I am on the south side of the big red barn. I saw brown owl at the south...east?

(MUTTERING UNDER THEIR BREATH - AS THEY DO, A SOFT FUZZ OF STATIC STARTS TO RISE FROM THE RADIO)

East? Hmm. Never - eat - soggy - wafflesWEST. It was at the southwest corner.

Is that better?

Over.


SOUND: INSTEAD OF THE BLEEP, A HARSH CRACKLE OF STATIC.


PRIMROSE

(MOSTLY INAUDIBLE, STATIC DROWNING OUT SEVERAL WORDS)

Parsley? Are you there?


(PARSLEY HAS STOPPED WALKING. WE LINGER FOR A MOMENT IN THE NIGHT AMBIANCE.)


SOUND: BUTTON, BLOOP, STEADY HISS OF STATIC


PARSLEY

Primrose? Hello?

Primrose?

O-over.

(LOUDER)

Over.


SOUND: FROM SOMEHWHERE A LITTLE BIT BACK, A BRANCH SNAPS.


PARSLEY, CONT.

(LOUDER STILL)

OVER?


SOUND: A STRANGE, METALLIC NOISE, LIKE THE RUSHING OF A TRAIN CAR THROUGH A TUNNEL. IT RUSHES TOWARDS US, CRESCENDOS--


(SMASH CUT TO CREDITS)

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MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS Good afternoon, Columbus High Students! It is Monday, March 6th, 2006, and these announcements are happening only in Zach’s mind as he silently goes just apeshit in his van. Be a

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(Content warnings available here.) Scene 0 SANA Are you sure about this, Juniper? JUNIPER Positive. I don’t think anybody got a recording of the emergency alert, but. Somebody in the Regime was tracki