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Me and AU Preview Transcript

Updated: May 3, 2021

MUSIC: SLIGHTLY SINISTER FINGERPICKED GUITAR (“JOLENTA CLEARS THE TABLE”, DR. TURTLE) PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND


TONY NARRATION

There’s a billboard on the main highway, just before the mountains start. “Selkirk. Your great escape.”


Whoever put it up probably wasn’t talking about the draft dodgers. Or the backcountry pot farmers. Or the hippies out in the woods who act like electricity's black magic. But they’re right. When you need to escape, you can’t do much better than a place like this.


The only thing you gotta worry about in Selkirk is whether the bears got into your garbage again...


FX: A CLATTERING NOISE


TONY

(STARTLED)

Who’s there?


FX: AN UNEARTHLY HOWL, A METALLIC RUSH AND A BODY CRASHES AGAINST METAL DUMPSTER


TONY

(CRY OF FEAR AND PAIN)


TONY NARRATION

At least, that’s what I used to think.


SOUND: A CHEESY LUB-DUB OF A HEARTBEAT IN THE BACKGROUND.A HIGH PITCHED, CONCUSSED RINGING.


MUSIC: “DEVASTATION AND REVENGE,” KEVIN MACLEOD


(JODI AND GARRETT ARE FUZZY, FAR OFF, UNTIL INDICATED OTHERWISE)


JODI

I almost had it -- damn it -- I almost...


GARRETT

Where’s the body?


JODI

By the dumpster. … my phone’s dead, you need to call an ambulance-- What are you doing?


GARRETT

Something doesn’t smell right… I don’t think it’s --


SOUND: CLOTHING RUSTLES


GARRETT

Hey, hey. Dude, are you--


MUSIC ENDS


TONY

(EXTREMELY DRAMATIC GASP)


GARRETT

(SUDDENLY DISTINCT)

He’s alive.


JODI

Selkirk. Coming soon to--


FX: CHANNEL CHANGE


KATE

No, wait, hey -- go back--


TV ANCHOR

(BACKGROUNDING KATE’S LINES)

And it’s going to be another hot one in Kamloops today. We’re looking at a daytime high of 29 degrees Celsius, falling to a low of 12 degrees overnight. That’s above the average temperature for this day, which sits at 22 degrees, but lower than the record daytime high in the River City, which was back in 1946, when we hit 34 degrees...

KATE, CONT.

When is that starting? Did you guys see? Because I am gonna need to watch that show immediately.


MUSIC: “ME AND AU THEME,” SAMANTHA JEAN RIVERS


PHILOMENA

“Me and AU,” a new show about love and fandom, coming June 11 from the Procyon Podcast Network.


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